Growing Pains

Something happened last night that's been making me giggle ever since. I figured I'd share it with you all and give you a break from my 'Rants'. Unfortunately, it will be at the expense of my son. Sorry Jake!

Lately, my son, the teenager, is finding it harder and harder to get up in the morning. And, of course, with me as his mother he knew he had to find a solution to this problem before he got into trouble. So he's been going to bed earlier (on his own) and has been on time every day for weeks now.

I just figured he'd finally started listening to me. I told him to set his alarm a couple minutes early, have all his clothes and school stuff ready the night before so that all he'd have to do is get up and get dressed. Then he just needs to come downstairs, have breakfast, use the bathroom and wash up.

But, I guess my son had another plan. Here's how I found out:

Last night Jake went to bed at 8:00pm. Around 9:00pm he came downstairs and ran past me to get to the bathroom. When he ran past me I noticed he was fully dressed. All he was missing was his sneakers....... *blinks*.........

So then he gets out of the bathroom and starts to walk past me when I said, "You're sleeping fully clothed?" He just mumbled something and went back upstairs. The mom in me wanted to follow him up and make him put night clothes on so he'd be more comfortable, but I gave it a second thought and just chalked it up to him being a teenager so I left him alone.

About 20 minutes had passed when suddenly, he came running back downstairs saying, "Wait, wait, wait. I need to ask you something." he came and stood in front of me. "So, I was spraying cologne in my armpits so that I'll be fresh for school tomorrow and I missed and shot myself in the eye. I washed out my eye but now my eye is all pink. Am I gonna be okay?"

*blinks*...................Hahahahahahahhahahaha!!!!

I was shocked. I sat there staring at him with my jaw gaped open. I couldn't believe it. LOL!! It all made sense. Of course he wasn't listening to me. How stupid could I be? He took the 'Jake' way out. He was getting fully clothed, spraying himself with cologne and going to bed so that when he woke up all he had to do was put his shoes on and go downstairs to eat and pee. Boom. Done.

Well, that explains the funky odor in his room and how quick he's been in the bathroom lately. It also explains the cavities he's getting filled this Friday and that certain.....ahem....guy problem he's been having lately. Bad hygiene. Wow. I knew boys were gross but my gosh, do they compete for awards in grossness or what??

After an outburst of laughter, I calmly explained why spraying your armpits with cologne is not a good alternative to bathing and using deodorant. Then I explained to him that his visit to the dentist should be punishment enough for not actually brushing or flossing his teeth. And if that didn't kick him in the pants, I reminded him of the two young ladies he's been trying to befriend. If all else fails, the girls will tell him his breath stinks and he needs to shower. Maybe then he'll listen to me. LOL!!

Kids.......*laughs*

Racism Today

Today, I'm here to rant.

It's been all over the news, all over the world wide web and on everyone's tongues. Racism. I honestly want to reach out and strangle everyone. Just throttle the hell out of all of you people screaming racism and police brutality.

I truly wish cops could press charges against every single ass hole who resists arrest. I think you've all lost your damn minds. Do you KNOW what country this is?? Do you know the LAWS of the country you live in?? If you don't, then get the F out. Go home, cuz this aint it.

I don't care what color you are, if the cops tell you to do something, you better goddam do it and you better say "Yes, ma'am" or "Yes sir" while you do it.

I just got finished watching yet another video collage of black people getting beat up by cops. You know what I saw (in most of them)? I saw suspects resisting arrest. I saw them fighting back, refusing to put their hands behind their backs, running away from the police, attacking police.......REALLY?? WTF is wrong with you people????

When they say America is the land of the free, they don't mean free to do whatever the hell you want and F* the laws. It simply means that you are free to take the opportunities this country provides for you so that you can have a wonderful life......as long as you follow the laws. If you don't follow the laws, you lose those freedoms.

I'm not saying that it never happens. I have personally met several police officers who abused their powers and at least 95% of them have been punished for that. It does happen, I know that. But people are trying to say that black people are the biggest targets of white police officers. I'm WHITE and I was a victim of that 'abuse of power'. There are tons of people of all colors and religions getting their share of abuse in this country.

I'm so sick of black people screaming racism and pointing the finger at white people! You make me sick. You don't even KNOW what it was like to be a slave and still you throw that in the face of every white person you see. I can safely and honestly tell you, I'm a white person and I have NEVER hit, yelled at, abused, accused, whipped, raped, slapped, stabbed, shot or did anything else of that nature to a black person. NEVER. Yet, because I'm white, whenever I go into a predominantly black neighborhood (which I work in), I get glares, stares, I've been sexually harassed, chased, burglarized, screamed at, stalked, called racial slurs (such as white cracker, ghost bitch and suburb bitch), and so on. I've never hurt anyone. I mind my own business and I've NEVER provoked any kind of negativity in any way and yet, this is what I get......because I'm WHITE. And the F* BLACK people are screaming racism??? Are you SERIOUS???

I simply get out of my car and walk over to my boss's door and suddenly, there's a black man sneaking around the corner in the back yard, rapidly approaching me and asking me if I have any money. Are you F*ing serious???? What the hell is wrong with people?? I go to work and when I try to leave I find my car windows smashed out and all my stuff is missing. I called the cops (who happened to be 2 black women) and guess what they said to me? "Do you really want me to even write this up? I mean, chances are, unless you catch them on camera or red handed you'll never get your stuff back. They're gone." This is what she said to me. I said, "Officer, there are fingerprints in blood on the dashboard. Can't you do something with that?" Guess what she said.....go ahead, guess.

"NO." That's what she said. "We don't do that unless a serious crime has been committed." Then she drove off. Wow. Just wow.

I am generally a 'nice person'. I smile at people as they walk by. I say hi. I listen when people approach me and hear them out. I mind my own business. I just don't understand why I have to be a victim just because I'm white. Hell, black people even kill each other! They even call each other the 'N' word, which I HATE. I will never understand people. Anyone with that kind of mentality just shouldn't exist. If you hate everyone so much, stay home and close the damn shades. Seek help. Get counseling or something. You're sick.

Now people all over the damn country are going nuts because some black kid, who happened to be a criminal and victimized someone the very same day, got into a fight with an officer and again, RESISTED ARREST, got shot and died. I'm sorry he lost his life, but he had a choice. He chose wrong. And now all these people, mostly black, are protesting because they INSIST that the kid was innocent. You clearly don't know all the facts. You know how I know that? I know that because the protestors chose to do things such as looting, setting homes and businesses on fire (homes and businesses that belonged to black people, btw), abusing each other and other innocent people. Sure, I'll take the time to sympathize with criminals for being criminals and defending criminals.....NOT.

If you want to prove to people that black people are good and just, then you need to actually BE good and just. What is so wrong with following the laws, working for a living and being kind to your neighbors? What is so wrong with it?

I'm sick of black people (not all black people, of course. Just the one's that seem to be criminals or have a mental defect) screaming racism at every white person they see. I swear they are LOOKING for reasons to scream racism. Do you know what that is? It's RACISM!!

You are the racist ones!!

I have no sympathy for racist criminals.

Its time to cut the bull shit and learn to love each other.

I don't give a F* if anyone has anything to say about this post. Just shut the F* up. You're pissing me off.

Is It So Wrong?

Okay, I get it, I'm a controlling woman. But is it really so bad? Am I wrong to say that everyone that I'm surrounded by is safe, healthy, well fed, clothed, clean, protected, sheltered and wanting for nothing? So what's so wrong with being a controlling woman?

I fix things when they're broken. If I can't fix it, I call someone who can. I pay all the bills. I manage a small business. I work. If the car gets a flat tire, I change it. If the toilet clogs, I unclog it. If there's a problem, I solve it. So what's wrong?

My son gets to school every single day, on time, clean, fed and clothed. I get to work in the same fashion. My pets get fed twice a day. The house gets cleaned EVERY day. The laundry gets done every week. The shopping gets done every week. I make sure my son does his homework and chores every day. I make sure he uses manners and understands the morals of my lectures. What's wrong with that?

I need for nothing or no one. Is that a sin?

I spent my entire life under someone elses shoes. Always told what to do, what not to do, how to do it and if I didn't obey, I'd get stomped on. After being led down the wrong path so many times and after being stomped all to hell, I finally said, "I can't take anymore! This is going to stop, NOW." From that moment on, I never got stepped on again. No one told me to do the wrong things. No one was able to force me to do anything ever again. I'd like to keep it that way, so I maintain control.

Now, no one gets hurt, no one starves and no one's sick. Everyone is doing the best they can and being the best they can be because I made it possible.

And lets not assume that I've never stopped to see what would happen if I let go of the reins. Believe me, I have. Suddenly the house became infested with bugs and mice. The food disappeared and never got replenished. The house became unlivable. The car was constantly parked due to being broken. Unemployment reared it's ugly head......I could go on and on.

So, I picked up the reigns and took the lead and **POOF**, like magic, it all disappeared. I got a new house and car. I got a better job. I did it all.

So.....what's the problem?

I will drop you as a friend if you are not punctual, are irresponsible, are unclean or if you do any drugs. Does that make me a bad person? If you tell me you're going to pick me up and  take me to an appointment at 3:00pm and you don't show up until 2:50pm, that's unacceptable. If you're irresponsible, then I can't trust you anyway. Why would I want to be friends with someone I can't trust? If you are unclean then that's just gross. I'm sorry, shower or stay away from me. Stay clean or stay out of my house. My home is my sanctuary, if you violate it, I'm going to kick you out. That's all. If you do drugs, then you are unpredictable, unreliable and unclean. I have a child to raise who does NOT need that kind of negative influence. I also have a long history of family that had major drug and alcohol addictions whom I had to escape to save my own life. So I have MORE than enough reason to put a big fat stop and do not enter sign at my front door for people who do drugs. That is not a crime. Drug use is. Is any of this unreasonable?

I've worked VERY hard to get the life I have today and I'm working even harder to make it better. And anyone who chooses to be a part of my life will benefit from all my hard work.

Is that wrong?

Men always bitch about women trying to control everything. Well, don't drop the ball, lazy asses. If you drop it, we'll pick it up, re-inflate it, wash it, polish it and throw it to someone who knows how to catch it. *lifts a brow*

If you don't want a controlling woman, don't lose control. Do as I do and watch the world change.

And seriously, if you think there's something wrong with all that I've said, let me know. I'm curious to see what people think of the subject.

:)

My Work as an Author

 

For once, I'm not here to rant or ramble. LOL!!  I'm just here to share some professional information with you.

I am a writer, of course. My favorite things to write are horror and thrillers. If anyone would like to check out my work, here is my website: http://hstrial-kkarakazoo.homestead.com/index.html

If you'd like to check out my Author page on Facebook and 'Like' my page, I'd like that very much. :)
 https://www.facebook.com/ThrillsAndChills

If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, you can find me at @karakazoo.

This is my first published novel, written almost entirely on Twitter! That's right everyone, it's the first and only book ever to be written on Twitter! Check out the #TwitterNovel,  'Birds of a Feather'! http://www.amazon.com/Birds-Feather-Kara-Stefanowich-ebook/dp/B00HXZU6YK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415750634&sr=8-1&keywords=stefanowich

This is my second publication, the prequel to 'Birds of a Feather'. http://www.amazon.com/Creation-Assassin-Redemption-Kara-Stefanowich-ebook/dp/B00CPSNDT0/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1415750634&sr=8-3&keywords=stefanowich

And here's my most recent publication, 'Hostage'. (This one is my pride and joy....well, until the next publication. LOL!!) http://www.amazon.com/Hostage-Kara-Stefanowich-ebook/dp/B00G8U91W4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1415750634&sr=8-2&keywords=stefanowich

Next, I'm working on a book called 'TAG'. Its about tag team serial killers that clash when one wants to get out of the game. It turns into a game like no other. One killer tortures and kills a victim and frames the other. Then the killer who wants out gets a hint, a sophisticated piece of the puzzle in a morbidly poetic journal. In order to avoid being caught by the detective who's hot on his heels, he must find the victim and eliminate the crime scene before it's too late.

Stay tuned.....keep in touch....don't be a stranger....because 'TAG' is coming soon!!

Love

An animal, a quest, a game to be won. It's a wonder, a woman, waiting for love. We can't wait, or dream, or expect love. It comes as it is and we work to keep it, No matter what. It takes time, thought, energy to keep. It takes work, triumph, someone to give in. It's a fight, a battle, a war to win. But if we surrender and call truce, we may have the gift. A present, a future with him. It's okay to wait, to sit, to spin. It's okay that we want nothing more than to scream within. Some day, we'll know what it was all for. Someday we may understand what we couldn't before. So why fight, why stress, why give up and run when we can smile, give in and win the war. 

Rock and a Hard Place

My gosh, where do I begin?

So much has been going on over the last year. I released my second novel, which was great. It was a lot of work and made me CRAZY but it was a good turn out.

My boyfriend celebrated his first official year in his home. Turned out to be a better place than expected. Not too many scary surprises over the winter or summer.

There have been many talks of doing an addition to my boyfriend's property because as it is, it's not big enough for our families combined. We had discussed it and I had hoped it would be done by this summer. But it wasn't.

Since the break of the frost this year, the city that I currently live in has decided to do major repairs in my entire neighborhood. To give you a better idea of how fun this year has been, let me just say, I live on a very small dead end street. The bulk of the construction has been happening on both sides of the street that my street connects to at the same time. So getting in or out of my neighborhood has been a complete nightmare all year long.

So during the week I'm contending with road blocks, large machinery blocking up the available road way and police officers who are often rude and NEVER know what the hell is going on. (I literally have to drive in circles around my neighborhood every single weekday in an attempt to get to work and get home because they wont open one side of the road for local traffic.) On the weekends I pack up and drive an hour away to my boyfriend's house.

In the meantime, I'm working on my third novel and raising my son. My son got his first set of stitches this year and of course, it had to be in the face. I also took my son off of all his meds this year, which was the best thing I've ever done for him.

I've had rabbits annihilate all my gardens to the brink of doom this year, so crops were not as fruitful as I'd hoped. They also ate every single one of my flowers in my landscaping, which completely broke my heart.

I've had several issues with my car. Fuel pump left us in a parking lot. Flat tire on the way out of the mechanics property forced another repair. Inspections demanded MANY fixes and my wallet has been giving me the silent treatment ever since.

Several strokes of bad luck in nearby Springfield has raised my blood pressure and is currently making me question whether or not I should look for a job elsewhere. (Big cities have big nuts. Beware.)

This year is the last year my son has of middle school. So next fall he will be entering High School.

Now....Its been a whole year that my boyfriend and I have been 'talking' about the addition he was supposed to do. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is not very good at making decisions. As a reflection of that, the addition turned into talks of rebuilding the house entirely to our liking. We talked it TO DEATH. But, he never took steps to actually get it started. NOW.....a year later.....he's 'talking' about selling his current home and buying another house. BUT....he doesn't want to even THINK about doing anything until spring.

*screams and rips out hair, opens window and throws said hair at the bucket loader in my driveway*

So now I'm sitting in my loud, trembling home, trapped and angry, wondering if I'll ever get out of here. I'm completely stressed out because the holidays are coming. One of my bosses is leaving for the winter and now I'm missing work due to road construction.

I'm afraid of what's going to happen to my son come next fall because I have no idea what High School I'm supposed to enroll him in. If I move in with my boyfriend, it will be in a town an hour away from where I am now, so its an entirely different district. I need to make sure we tour the school ahead of time to prepare my son. For those of you who don't know, my son has high functioning autism. So big changes don't usually go over well. I need to ease him into that kind of transition.

My boyfriend thinks this whole thing is just hilarious and insists that I simply trust him. Excuse me, I love him but I've also spent the last three years observing him and his behaviors and I've concluded that I cannot trust him with big decisions. He gets confused, he over thinks every single detail and then he gets overwhelmed and gives up. Then he throws the entire subject in the closet and changes stations to 'Hunting Season' and 'Camp' and "Oh, maybe I'll buy more land for the camp."

Meanwhile, I'm shaking in my boots. MILLIONS of questions are going through my mind. Do I just let him spend the next 10 years 'thinking about making decisions' and stay put in a place that's now far too small for me and my teenage son? Do I go ahead and get a mortgage by myself and just do what's best for me and my son? Am I pressuring my boyfriend to do something he really doesn't want to do? Did he buy the place he has now on purpose because he didn't really want me and my son to move in? Is he doing it on purpose to procrastinate so that my son will graduate and move out before I move in with him? Can I afford a mortgage? Do I need to start working weekends again? Should I move into an apartment closer to my boyfriend while I'm waiting for him to make a decision? Does ANY of this work out in my favor? Am I in yet another situation where I'm with someone who's real interest doesn't lie with me, but only himself? Am I making the right choice by waiting for him? Should I stop waiting and simply assume it will never happen?

I'm in hell right now. I'm crying as I write this because the stress level is KILLING ME.  While everyone else laughs at me, I'm crying. Not only am I stressed out, I'm confused, I'm mad and I'm fairly certain no one cares.

I hate my home. All I want to do is leave, but no one will let me (be it a team of construction workers or a boyfriend who insists I stay put and wait).

I hate my life. I've spent 33 years 'in transition'. I'm never on solid ground. Never safe. Never comfortable. I hate my life and it just wont end.

What do I do?????

Nature Calls

I love my boyfriend. I love him more than he knows. He teaches me so much every day, and he doesn't even know it. But this blog is not about romance. It's about nature.

Last week my BF went to his camp in NY with one of his hunting buddies. At the end of the day he called me up and told me him and his buddy went driving around looking for hunting spots and counted more than 100 deer in an hour. I, of course, told him he was full of shit and reminded him about fishermen and their stories of fish far larger than they really were. My BF did not find this amusing at all, so this weekend at the last minute he decided we were going to camp (3 hours away) so he could prove to me there were really high numbers of deer out in the open.

Now, I've been there before, many times. Yes, there are a lot of deer. The first time we went to check out the property before buying it, we were driving up to it and found deer laying down on the side of the road. Didn't even care that we were driving by. So I know there are deer there. But over 100 in an hour? I don't think so.

Anyway, we drove all the way there and we drove all over the area and counted exactly 69 deer. Not kidding. Don't be gross. I prayed we'd see at least one more just so I didn't have to say we saw '69' deer. But that was what we saw that night.

My BF was rather disappointed about the lack of numbers that day when we drove all the way there so he could prove to me that it was more than possible to see over 100 in one hour. But, he drove us back to camp where we started a fire and sat out the rest of the night.

But before we went out driving around looking for deer, we took a little walk into the woods and just sat down, silent and still and just listened. We heard leaves falling all around us and even on us. It was so loud that I had a difficult time telling the difference between the leaves falling and footsteps. I looked all around, real slowly so as not to make myself noticeable. We didn't see much......except for a squirrel. This squirrel was so loud. We both watched it from a far. It came trotting right over to us. I really thought it had no idea we were there. It didn't look at us. It just ran over, hopping and stopping here and there looking for food. Then it noticed we were sitting there and it stopped right in front of us. If I had to guess, I'd say about........12 feet away? There was a single tree right next to it. It used the tree as a security blanket. He didn't stray far from it. He just stared at us, standing still for a moment. He looked from me to my BF and back to me again. He wasn't sure what we were. He made a few sounds to see what we'd do, but we didn't do anything, didn't move. He ran back and forth as if to show dominance, but we still did nothing. He got a little closer and looked back and forth from him to me as if he were wondering what we were going to do. It took a while but after showing off for us for about 6 minutes, he was off and looking for more food.

That was rather funny to me. I remembered as a child how I would sit in the woods in Maine and the animals would even come up and walk over my legs! But none of them had ever put on quite the display as this squirrel did.....New Yorkers....am I right? LOL!!

Our silence made all the difference. Quiet movements, slow breathing, pauses.....they made all the difference. If we had been barging through the woods, we never would have met Mr. Squirrel that day. And little did I know, there was more to come.

The next morning, we sat up just long enough to have a cup of coffee before we went out in the woods to check the hunting cameras and change the chips. We walked through the woods as silently as we could. There were fresh fall leaves on the ground but there had been a good dew on the ground from the night. So it wasn't so loud. We took our time. We stopped from time to time just to listen and look.

When we approached the first camera we spooked 3 deer that had bedded just next to the camera! All 3 jumped up turned to look at us for a moment then lifted their white tails and ran off. We stopped and waited for them to leave before changing the chip in the camera and moving onto the next one.

There were no more deer (that we saw) but being as quiet as we were, upon returning to camp we saw a fisher cat just a few yard from our camper romping around in the woods. It didn't seem bothered by our presence at all. In my experiences in Maine, fisher cats are NOT an animal to be toyed with. They are like over grown minks with fangs and a bad attitude. They will chase you, they will mess you up and yes, they can climb trees. LOL!!

Anyway, I was just impressed with how much nature we were able to be a part of this weekend. In just one night! Id almost forgotten how impressive it can be. I also became painfully aware of how ridiculously LOUD I am. LOL!! Step lightly folks. It makes all the difference.

So that was my weekend. Scouting deer with my BF and finding myself in nature once again.  It becomes more clear every day why I hate the city so much.

Anyway, be one with nature so that when it calls, you answer in kind.