Bad Luck Strikes Again

Usually this time of year is just crap for me. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy and rolls his eyes whenever I talk about this but it is 100% true. Every year come December the shit hits the fan. Something always happens to completely screw me for the winter.

It typically goes like this:

November = Serious Financial Strain (but manageable)
December = Complete Disaster
January = Steadily tolerating the affects of December
February = Recovery begins

That's always been the way. So usually what happens is, my car breaks down in December. Then I spend the next 4-6 weeks trying to scrape up money I don't have to pay for the repairs. Yup, they are ALWAYS crazy expensive repairs. And since the recession it's been completely ridiculous. I had a starter go about a year and a half ago and it cost me over $500 to fix it. Can you believe that? For a STARTER??

Anyway, I digress. After the car repair nightmare there is typically a lull. I do the best I can just to put gas in the car to get to work and make back the money I lost over the last couple months. Sounds fun, right?

After suffering through all that, tax season comes. I file my taxes and spend then next 2-3 weeks checking my bank account every 5 minutes. Very stressful.

Once my return comes I watch it fly away to make up for all the bills I couldn't pay over the last 3 months. And then spring and summer come and all is calm. After that, the cycle starts again.

Well, I've been fortunate the last 2 years. My boss normally leaves for Florida every winter which is why I have such a financial crisis. The last 2 years he stayed here. I guess I got a little comfortable. This year he finally went back to Florida. When he went, a stroke of bad luck hit and I lost not only that income but one other source of income too. (No need for specifics)

On the up side, my car has not broken down. But another odd stretch of bad luck has taken it's place. I seem to be experiencing a serious tech fail this winter.

I have a TV in my bedroom that I purchased brand new the last year I went to Florida to work. That was about 3 years ago. I almost never use that TV. It's really just there for nights that I cant sleep. No big deal. Except that it suddenly doesn't work. I have no idea why, I've tried everything and the damn thing will not work.

At the same damn time that occurred I noticed that the TV downstairs (our main TV) is suddenly malfunctioning. The speakers are blowing out and making a horrible scratching sound at any given moment and it seems to last anywhere between 5-20 minutes at a time. It's horrible!

As if that's not bad enough considering the insane cable bills I've been paying and now its really for nothing, I tried to watch a video tape and found that my VCR isn't working either. I brought out my spare VCR to find that THAT is broken, too!

*sighs*

Okay, so that goes into the trash. I fire up the old laptop that's been giving me hell for 2 years now and I can't seem to get any work done because it's been freezing up on me. Great. Then I drop my phone on the ground (again) and chipped it enough to make a jagged edge that I managed to cut my fingers on twice so far.

Not bad enough? Okay....

I was sitting on the couch the other day and it was really dry. I kept coughing and my nose was burning so I filled up my handy little Vick's Vaporizer and turned it on. About an hour or so later I got up for something and my socks got all wet. I looked around and noticed that the carpet was completely soaked. I looked everywhere and couldn't figure out where the water was coming from. In the meantime, I had filled the tank of the vaporizer for a second time. While I was on the floor searching for the source of the flooding I happened to glance over at the vaporizer and saw that the tank had emptied. It was only minutes prior that I had filled it. So, yep, it had cracked and managed to dump 2 gallons (that I know of) onto my living room floor which also caused a leak in the basement.

I'm betting my stereo grows arms and legs and tries to take over the world next. We'll see. But hopefully, the worst is gone and the lull will begin.

*sighs*

Come on W2's! LOL!!

2013

Well, the New Year is here and the old year is just a memory. I'm not much of a sappy lady so I don't usually care about the little things like resolutions or things I'm thankful for. But I as I way lying next to my boyfriend on New Year's Day he said, "Did you have a good 2013?" His eyes glimmered with hope and expectation and all I could think was, "Who gives a shit? It's over." But the longer I laid there staring into those innocent eyes as he waited for a response I really started to feel like an ass. So I just smiled and kept quiet waiting for him to lose interest in getting a response.


The next day I thought about it some more......then some more.......and.......some more. A lot of shit happened in 2013. Some good, some bad, some just plain old normal. Whatever that is.

I had many F*ed up moments, like when my boss kept going in and out of the hospital and I had to find a new job (that may have actually been 2012 but it kinda carried through). Or when I had that horrible snap of bad luck and everything I touched broke. Then there was that whole thing where my very first publisher quit because he didn't get rich off the publication of my first book. My car got broken into. My neighbor decided to be particularly nasty and vandalized my property to the point of my having to call the police and put up cameras. I spend the better part of the year playing the Referee between my son and my boyfriend. Then there were those many months of my cat being so sick I needed to take up a new study, veterinary nursing. And I even managed to find out I may have a rather serious health issue. (I'll find out more tomorrow. Tests continue.)

Apart from all of that, there were some pretty wonderful things that happened. My boyfriend stood by me through all of the years shit. He purchased a home and I got to enjoy that with him every weekend. Despite the loss of my publisher I managed to keep moving and I wrote and published my second novel naming myself as the publisher. I spent a good part of the year getting some much needed outdoor exercise. I lost weight. I got my car fixed. I made a decent amount of money and didn't have to struggle so damn much to pay the bills. I improved my patio and got to really enjoy my little fire pit. I got my son to spend more time with friends and experience sleep overs, which he loves! My son finally became a teenager! That's only brag-worthy because I never expected I'd let him live that long. LOL!! I spent a good part of the year getting to know my boyfriend's family who are some of the most wonderful people I've ever met and am extremely grateful for. I've learned some pretty important life lessons that helped me grow as a woman and as a person. And did I mention that my boyfriend stood by me all year?? LOL!!

So I guess I really did have a good year in 2013. And I realized that there's a good chance that this year is going to be pretty good. If for no other reason I'd have to say its because on January 1'st 2014 my son said something I never thought he'd say. He said, "Oh man! Do we have to go? I'm really starting to like it here." when we were getting ready to leave my boyfriend's house to go home. One of the reasons for his new 'like' was because he finally found something he's really interested in........ARCHERY. Which he happens to be really good at and seems to be keeping him outside. :)

With a new laptop, the payoff of my car and getting back to work come spring on my horizon......I'm hoping for a bright and prosperous year ahead.

I hope you've all had the chance to look back and be thankful too. If not..........get blitzed and try to forget about it all. LOL!! ;)

Ten Points for the Boy

I have a bit of a scary story for you.

For a couple years now my son has been telling me that our house is haunted. I like to watch TV shows like, Paranormal Witness, Dead Files, Long Island Medium and others like that and my son sometimes likes to as well. So I just chalked it all up to him watching too much TV (and combined with his autism there's a little more drama added to this situation.). I tell him, to stop being dramatic and I give him logical reasons for all his 'complaints'.


For example, he said his door (which has a hook in eye lock) keeps coming unlocked by itself in the middle of the night. My response is that is he either just forgot to lock it or that a truck went by or something. (Our house is not in the best shape the ground it's on is not very stable at the moment. So when trucks go by the entire house shakes. We also live down the street from the Air Force Base and are directly under the take off strip.) He rolls his eyes and tells me he KNOWS he locked it and he actually heard the lock jingle when it came undone in the night. *Throws hands in the air* What can I say?

He tells me the door opens and closes by itself in the night. I never believed that because my house is built in such a way that you actually have to walk into my room to get to his. So his bedroom door is in my bedroom. I wake up to a pin drop. So there is no way his door would open without me knowing it. Its an old creaky house. The doors squeak so bad I have to grease them monthly.

He's also told me that his alarm clock has changed time by itself and sometimes he comes home from school to find it blinking. Obviously, common sense says it was a slight power outage or issue. Happens all the time.

So these are the kinds of things he's been 'complaining' about. I just shake my head and tell him to calm down get real.

Last night, I went to bed. Everything was as usual. No trauma during the day, no crazy TV shows before bed. None of that. I was tired and we had to get up at 5:30am so I went to bed around 10:30pm. At about 3:00am I woke to the sound of my son's bedroom door opening. I looked over at his door expecting him to come out to use the bathroom.........he never came out. I sat up in bed and stared at the door. Nothing. I decided to go see if he was okay. I got up and went into the room. He was sound asleep in bed. I looked around his room.............nothing. Stumped, I stood there staring at the door. He usually locks it when he goes to bed. (I don't know why.)

Seeing nothing, I decided to use the bathroom and go back to bed. When I got back upstairs and headed back into bed I realized that the fan (which I use to dull the little noises in the night, otherwise I'll never sleep) was facing his bedroom door and was on high. "Well, that must be it!" I said trying desperately to shake the heebie jeebies that were digging into my gut.

I tried to go back to bed, pulled the blankets up over my head and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and tried to think happy thoughts. Suddenly, I was shaken out of my slumber by bumping noises coming from downstairs. I sat up in bed and listened sharply. One bump.......then two more......a few minutes later, another bump. I got up, went downstairs shaking in my jammies.............but there was nothing.

Getting annoyed and feeling the fear building, I grumbled and headed back up the stairs looking over my shoulder repeatedly. I went back into my room and got back under the blankets. Now my ears were perked, my mind was buzzing and the fear had created a trembling deep inside me.

A little time goes by, my eyes drift shut and I slowly begin to relax. Suddenly, at about 3:37am a very loud rumbling noise came from outside and was shaking the house terribly! I jumped up and ran to the window to see a plow from the city. Apparently, they decided that a dusting of snow required immediate removal.

Now pissed that I was still up and now WIDE awake, I ground my teeth and got back into bed, jamming my legs under the damn blankets and yanking them back up over me. I closed my eyes again and tried desperately to go to sleep. About a half hour went by and I was just starting to drift off, out of the blue, I heard a strange and eerie hissing sound immediately followed by a tiny growl. My heart nearly beat right out of my chest. I jumped up knocking the blankets to the floor. My chest heaved as I couldn't seem to get my breath back. I looked all around the room and back towards my son's room who's door was still open. There was nothing there.

After a long while I decided I was either going nuts or I was calling an Exorcist first thing in the morning.

I finally got to sleep, don't ask me how. But very shortly after that, my alarm went off. It was time to get up.

I got up with a grunt and trudged downstairs to make my coffee. Feeling the pinch of the nights trauma I sipped my coffee rubbing my bloodshot eyes when my son came in.

"Mom, you're never going to believe what happened last night." he says with a look of fear on his face. Thinking to myself, "Oh god, he's gonna say he saw a ghost and we're gonna have to freakin MOVE!" But kept my cool and pretended to be completely unphased.

"What happened?" I asked sipping my coffee, watching the news.

"At about 3:00am I had the worst nightmare!" he began.

I nearly shit my pants. Oh god.......something creepy did happen!

"Yeah?" I answered, cool as a cucumber.

"Well, it scared the crap outta me so I got up and opened my bedroom door cuz I was scared. (He proceeded to tell me the dream)...Then I went back to bed."

I nearly choked on my coffee. "You did?? You opened your door and went back to sleep at 3:00am??" I asked no longer able to keep my cool.

"Yeah." he said now getting his breakfast ready. "And by the way, you really need to get rid of that automatic air freshener in your room. It makes a creepy sound and freaks me out when it goes off at night." he finished then ate breakfast.

................O_o................

I later learned that the bumping noises were from my neighbor who works night shift and parks right next to my house. He was opening and closing his car doors.

I hate myself. LOL!!

Well, the boys been trying to find a way to scare me for years. After hundreds of unsuccessful attempts he finally got me. It may have been unintentional, but he gets the points for this one. LOL!!!

Oh the Drama!

 

I'm back to rant and rave about how CRAZY my week has been.

In case you didn't know this, I don't really like holidays. Quite frankly, I feel like holidays are nothing more than financial and emotional drains. I've spent my whole life draining those two things. So leave me alone when I say, "Ba-humbug!"

So the tree, wreaths, garland and all that other crap got drug up from the basement. Shortly after came all the sneezing and nose blowing. Yup, my basement is NOT as clean as I thought it was. I had to clean my living room at least 6 times. And my cat destroyed 4 more ornaments than last year. AWESOME. To make matters worse, when I put all the lights on the tree, I did it backwards and had to redo the whole thing. *sighs*

A day or so goes by and my son decides he's gonna be an electrician......except an electrician would know how to plug the tree lights in. Do ya think my son took 2 seconds to find the plug hanging at the bottom of the tree and plug it into the extension cord RIGHT NEXT TO IT??? Nope........didn't bother at all. Instead, he decides that he's going to take the extension cord, disconnect 2 sets of lights on the tree and try to plug them both into the extension cord. Only half the tree lit up. When I noticed this, I asked what he did. He said he couldn't figure out how to turn the lights on, so he messed with the lights till he got it. (He's gonna be 13 in a week.) I was NOT impressed.

So to be a good mom and teach the boy a lesson, I say, "Fix it. You messed it up, you fix it. Undo what you did and put it back the way you found it." 4 hours later, he was crying and I lost a patch of hair on the back of my head. *growls*

Eventually, I got mad and yelled at him. "Forget it! I don't know WHY you messed with it in the first place! Now I have to fix your mess, AGAIN!" Then I sent him to bed. (A whole 15 minutes early.....woohoo....*twirls finger in the air*....)

The next morning we got up (at 5:30am while its still dark out) and I get my coffee and sit down while the boy gets ready for school. Suddenly, the boy bursts out of the bathroom and says, "Mom! Look at my face! I can't go to school like this!"

All groggy, I squinted my eyes and tried to see what he was talking about, but it was too dark. So I took him to the bathroom where the light was brighter and I got a better look. His face was covered with tiny red spots! All over his face, neck, shoulders and ears. It was so odd looking. My first thought and words were, "How the hell did you get a hickey on your whole head? Did the Sandman take a plunger to your face?" He didn't think it was funny. "Mom! How am I going to go to school like this??" He panicked, as usual.

I wondered if it was something like the measles. He had the chicken pox twice and he was vaccinated so I guess anythings possible. So, I did what any mom would do, I called the DR and got him in that morning. On the drive there, my son begins his routine 'panic' and asks me his routine 'panic mode questions', "Are they gonna give me a shot?? Are they, mom?? Are they gonna stick me?? Are they, mom??" (This happens every single time. One time I made him an appointment and he asked, I simply didn't answer him and he pinched himself for a week straight to prepare himself for the inevitable poke that he didn't actually get. It was quite the show.) You'd think these types of fears start to fade over time.......nope, not with MY boy. In fact, I'm pretty sure it got worse.

It started badly right off the bat. The nurse tried to take his vitals but his blood pressure was reading so high they had to try it twice with the machine then 2 more times manually. It was absolutely high. Then the DR comes in takes one look and says, "Oh wow. This looks like Petechia. Then she looks in his eyes and says, "Yup, it does. How odd." She checks him all over and asks a battery of questions all that led to nothing. She turned to me and says, "Well, it could either be Petechia or it could be some sort of side affect from a virus he may have. So to be safe I'd like to get some blood work on him."

All the color dropped out of my son's face like water falling off a cliff. He turned a shade of white I haven't seen without bleach, so quickly, I actually got nervous. And I don't get nervous. I'm always in control. The DR ran to his side and  told him to lay down but he was in full fledged panic mode at that point. "WHAT??" he yelled. "BLOOD WORK??" he yelled. Then he began to hyperventilate and burst into tears. The DR listened to his heart, gave me a scary look and ran out of the room. While she was gone, I took that moment to calm the boy down. He got a TINY bit of color back when the DR came back in with smelling salts. "You okay, now?" she asked him. Still crying he answered honestly, "No!"

The DR handed me the blood work order and whispered, "I hope he makes it." Then she left. I scooped up the boy and slowly walked him down the 6.5 flights of stairs (last time I went there I got stuck in the elevator). So like his blood pressure wasn't high enough, now we're doing a workout!

Anyway, he BARELY made it through the blood draw. It took a long while, a seriously patient nurse, lots of orange juice, a few chains, some leather straps, a stick to bite down on and a few shots of whiskey, but it got done.

Once that was over, I realized my son's glasses were missing. Turned out he left them in the DR office. So, with a sheet white young man who's heart rate and blood pressure is through the roof, we ventured back up those 6.5 flights of stairs, got the glasses, then went back down and left.

Before leaving the DR told me that the test only takes 3 hours so she would call me later. Being a mom with a child who already has disabilities, I began to get nervous. So I looked up Petechia and was not okay with what I found. It's mostly found (apparently) in people with things like cancer or Leukemia, immune disorders. I bit my nails as it took far longer than 3 hours for the phone to ring. Finally, after hours of panic from both of us, she called and said all was normal.

My son in passing (while we were at the DR office that day) mentioned that he was upset the night before and to let it out he held his breath. The DR, who was now on the phone said, "You know how he said he held his breath cuz he was mad last night?" I said yeah. She said, "Well, I've never actually seen it happen before but if he did it really hard, for a long enough time, he COULD have popped all the blood vessels in his head. We'll find out when you bring him in tomorrow."

At that we got off the phone and I looked at my son and said, "If all this is happening just because you had a temper tantrum, I may actually kill you." He laughed. *sighs*

Long story short, we went back to the DR's office today and since the boy's face looks MUCH better today, she burst out laughing.

"That was it, wasn't it? He imploded?" I asked shaking my head.
"Yup!" she said looking him over thoroughly. The DR laughed hysterically. "I've never actually seen that before!" she laughed. "Don't do that again!" she said to my son.
"I promise, I will NEVER do that again!" he said. And we were on our way.

If you ever for a moment think my life is easy.........just, slap yourself........right across the face. Twice if need be. This drama may actually kill me.

*faints*

And The Award Goes To....

So many things to talk about, so little time.

I recently published another book (hoorah!) and I'm currently working 2 day jobs. I've been working for 2 weeks straight, no breaks and I'm working through the rest of this week. I seem to have come down with a cold and my son has decided to challenge my every parenting skill.

I worry every day about everything from moving in with my boyfriend to my son's success to my future as a writer. I should be sleeping right now, but instead I find myself reading one of my very good friend's manuscripts. She, Christy Brown, happens to be an amazing writer. I don't know if she realizes it or not but in all my years there have only been 2 authors that made me look forward to reading, she is one of them.

She recently accepted and won one of my challenges on Twitter. I challenged everyone to post their high school picture as their avi for a whole week. She was a brave soul! LOL!! And because of her bravery, everyone got to know her a little better and she won a free copy of my new paperback novel, 'Hostage'.  http://www.amazon.com/Hostage-Kara-Stefanowich/dp/1484926196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384831411&sr=8-1&keywords=Hostage+Stefanowich Congratulations!

Her first book was written rather quickly and might I add semi-inspired by yours truly. It's called 'Deathly Revenge' by Christina Brown. You can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Deathly-Revenge-Christina-Brown-ebook/dp/B006KUVX46/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384830937&sr=8-1&keywords=Christina+Brown+Deathly+revenge I encourage you to have a read. It truly does make you turn the page.

She is an amazing writer. I can't stress that enough. It pains me that she hasn't written more in all these years. I recently 'pressured' her to get me another manuscript and before I knew it, vwallah! There it was in my inbox. I printed it out and gave it it's own binder and everything. Now I'm wondering what to do. Should I just read it and tell her she did a wonderful job? Should I offer to help her publish it? What should one do when they see greatness and know it is something the world needs to see, but the creator waves it off as nothing more than scribblings?

I suppose I will simply do everything I can to support her, advise her and tell the world LOUDLY how wonderful she is, not only as a writer but as a person, too.

So solute Christy! Cheers to you my friend. I will tell the world, you are wonderful and talented and no one will ever say less. :)

I'm working on it dear!

So to you, Christy Brown, I award the 'BEST WRITING FRIEND' Award. Thank you for all your efforts, work, support and friendship. You deserve more......

Random Blog

I saw this today in the parking lot of Home Depot (or as my boss would say, Home Cheapo) and all I could think was, 'They have great taste but I'd never hire them!' LOL!!

 

 

My Epiphany

I think the bulk of my existance has been much of a plague up until the most recent years of my life. Having said that, I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Whether that reason be a good one or even worth it is another story.

I spent years wondering why I had to suffer and upon that I knew deep inside that I was meant for greatness. I cannot say for what greatness I am worth as my life is not over yet.

Many years of wonder and strength seem to have led me to be what/who I am today. Not a monster, like most had predicted. Not corrupt, like everyone had hoped. My scars still show, but only those who look for them will see them. And if you are one who looks, you see with dark eyes.

I no longer wish to see with those dark eyes. I choose to live in the light. And those who live in the light see things as they really are, without a vail, clean and pure. Where the darkness sees scars, the light sees healing, pink flesh alive and thriving.

It took a very long while to see the light. And I have someone to thank for my lesson. This lesson was and is very important as is its teacher. Love is the lesson and the man who opened my heart is my teacher. I don't think of this 'note' as being a love letter. I think of it as an epiphany. This is my epiphany.

What is life without love? Can you imagine it? Try for a moment. No love of parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, our children, husbands or wives.........imagine it. When you close your eyes and imagine them all gone.....or worse, still there only without love or compassion for you, how do you feel? For me, my chest feels empty, yet heavy. Like I'm being pressed down into the dirt. My heart feels hollow and sick. My stomach aches and the sun's rays seem dim and gloomy. The air feels heavy and smells stagnant and musty. My feet feel heavy, like weights trying to hold me down.

How does it make you feel?

*pauses, letting the moment sink in*

I lived feeling that way for years. I admit many thoughts of ending the pressure of existence weighed on me much like that feeling, the entire time. But that heaviness, that weight, it made me strong. I didn't know it really. But when the light shined on me for the first time, that weight had lifted and I suddenly became breathlessly aware of my strength. Its like having a million balloons tied to you, but concrete enslaves your feet while you suffer for air at the bottom of a cold, dark lake, only to have the concrete break and the balloons bring you crashing to the surface to find its sunny and warm outside of the water.

My lungs filled with air like I was breathing for the first time. My heart sang so loud I was nearly embarrassed that the whole world would hear it.

My teacher, my love makes all of my days light and warm. Even in the coldest of winters, I am warm. This lesson I've learned is that everything happens for a reason. Everything has its time. Whenever one door closes, another opens. Whenever the sun goes down, the moon takes its place. Even as there is still darkness in the world, its what we choose to see that matters.

I choose to recognise that there is just as much pure love in this world as there is evil. I choose to believe that even if in the most minuscule way, kindness is recognised and has an absolute affect on everyone and everything.

I thank my teacher, my love for his patience and ability to recognise my willingness to learn. To recognise my ability to change. For my efforts will never stop. I will never give up on being a better person. I promise to be the best person I can be until my last dying breath. I promise never to accept anything as 'good enough'. I promise I will never be blind to the light of love, ever again, for your love and patience has shown me that its worth a lifetime of trying.

I will never give up, because life is worth it. Love is worth it.

I love and thank you, Brian.