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Monday, December 12, 2011

Normal



So you all know I've been single a while. Okay....a LONG while. And a while back I said I was in love. I was wrong. I felt the same thing I felt every other time I've ever 'fallen' for someone. Used and covered up like a crime. I once vowed never to feel like that again and yet I was sinking in the quick sand of time and foolishness. It can be a devil you know.

But now....things have changed right before my eyes. I found something....someone. A new awakening. A new view on life. A man came into my life changing all the things I  believed in one swift swoop! I'm not here to tell you a love story. I'm not here to tell you that I've gotten another straggler in my life. I'm here to tell you that things really can change. Things really do exist that can change your perspective on life.

Something happened. It started with a date. This date was not exactly a first date...but it was certainly a first for me. I never met this man aside from the occasional smile and nod as he is the neighbor of a good friend of mine. Until this Thanksgiving. He had been asking for months to take me to dinner and I had blown him off until I bumped into him again on Thanksgiving.

He was there......he was next to me......a gentlemen, telling me of his adventures and travels and how he hated to do all this alone. He made me realize just how alone I was. The idea of anyone else on earth feeling as alone as I do made me cry inside.

His soft brown eyes melted me from the first glance. His smile was warm and sweet, innocent and welcoming. The idea that this man was interested in the likes of ME was just ridiculous. How could anyone so sweet and wonderful fall for a crazy lady like me?

But he did....the more he talked, the closer we got. The closer we got...the closer we wanted to get. I nearly kissed him good night when I left that night. Then of course I came to my senses and simply waved and walked away.

Ever since that night, we've been talking, visiting, dating, going out and spending time together. Time I wish never to lose. I cant believe I waited so long. I cant believe I built castles in the sky. I wonder why I waited and realized, I'm a dreamer. All this time I've been dreaming of a fairy tale and never taking the time to realize that fairy tales are just that. They are not real. And 'he' has been right in front of me the whole time. So much time wasted. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I would have said yes the first time he asked me out. But as he says so eliquently, "Good things come to those who wait."

I'm glad he waited.

We went on an outing to Yankee Candle....just him, me and my son Jake. It was the most normal I'd ever felt in my life. We walked around looking at things, smelling candles, holding hands and occasionally kissing when no one was looking. He's the sweetest man I think I've ever met. Very much the gentleman with manners to challenge the modern man. Opening doors for me...standing to offer me a seat....letting me take his arm as we walk.....he's a true gentleman. And he even took the time to talk to my son. Asking him about school and paying full attention when my son answered or spoke for any other reason. No man has ever done that before. It made my heart hurt for all the time wasted in between my son's birth and now.

Anyway, the more we walked, the more comfortable I felt. I've never in my life felt so comfortable with a man. I've always had that incling in the back of my mind that said, "he just wants to sleep with you. Walk away now." but this time.....this time was different. I didn't have that feeling. It was like we'd known each other for years. Not a shred of discomfort. I didn't feel uncomfortable. He was wonderful. I dont even know how else to describe it. He was just wonderful. And to be honest....he still is.

This is it for me. If this fails, I may lose all hope in mankind forever. It doesn't have to be another person showing you that life can be different. It can be an event, an icon, a stranger off the street, simple words that mean so much. But for me.....its him.

I'm now seeing things I never thought I'd see. I now smell things differently. Suddenly flowers smell real and alive rather than like perfume. I see the sunrise differently. Its now full of color and life as where before it was just another morning where I had to get ready for work and followed through with my routine.

This person has opened my eyes, my mind and a part of me I thought was gone forever. For THIS I am thankful. This year.....this Thanksgiving I was given a gift. One I will not take lightly. One I will not take for granted. This one is worth keeping.

If you  begin to lose faith, just remember, there is something out there in the universe for you....waiting for you. Only for you. And it is strong and alive. There is strength standing close. Closer than you think. And when you are on the brink of losing it all.....it will come. Faith will be renewed and your heart will sing again.
Take it from me. The wize but crazy lady.

You'll see.

The picture above is a sunrise we shared even as we were in two different places, we both saw it at the same time and told each other of the amazing sunrise. Thankfully I took a picture of it. Now we both share the picture of the sunrise we both saw at different places at the same time. I think of it as a miracle. He thinks of it as a coincidence but we wont tell him how magical it really is ;)

Deep down, he knows. :)

And so do you.