Here Comes the Gray

Today was going pretty good. I went to work, did my job, and got out early (cuz I'm awesome like that). I got home at noon with a smile on my face and full intentions to hit the treadmill. I went out to get the mail and found an envelope in my box from Child Welfare Services here in MA.

I was a bit befuddled. With a scrunched nose and the Elvis lip riding high, I opened the envelope and took out a letter. In this very brief letter I was told some very simple information and asked a very big question.

Even now.....I'm finding it difficult to put into words.....

The letter basically stated that a child had been taken away from one of my relatives by Child Welfare. They wanted to know if I would take the child.

My heart sank. Or maybe it broke. I'm not really sure. My then sunny sky turned dark and my mind went back years. It was that feeling.....that feeling of alone. That scary, dark feeling you get when you don't know if you're going to make it. My eyes welled up with tears, my stomach tightened and I stopped breathing.

I immediately knew the answer. No. There is just no way I can take in another child. Especially one I've never met. I'm up to my ears as it is raising a child with ADHD and Autism. Not to mention, my own son is already without a father. Kids need two parents, a mom and a dad. I'm working 2 jobs and trying to go back to school this winter. There's just no way.

Having said that, I know what its like to be a foster child. I know what its like to lose everything. I know what it feels like to be a child whose parents aren't fit to parent. So I could imagine in the most graphic ways what that poor kid must be feeling right now.

I'm heart broken.

Aside from the fact that I cannot accept the responsibility that comes with another child, all I could think was, 'Will this ever end?'.

When I was young, I had to go to counseling....a LOT. It was mandatory for a child in my situation to get help. No one can live that way without help. In SO MANY of these appointments, the counselor would say, "Its a cycle."

They explained it to me farther saying that when you're brought up a certain way, chances are you'll raise your own kids that way, and they'll raise their kids that way and so on. I never believed that. In my mind, I knew right from wrong and I chose to do the right thing. If I knew the difference, everyone else should too.

Well, I'm an adult now. And after all these years, I finally get it. It IS a cycle. I'm very sad to say that. I'm very sorry I had to learn that, and I'm very sorry that so many people have to live this way every day.

I have given up my entire family apart from my own son. I had to. They were honest to goodness, horrible people. They were drug addicts, drug dealers, alcoholics, prostitutes, felons and fiends. I could not stay. I could not live my life with hateful people who would hurt their own family for their own personal satisfaction.

Being able to leave and look back, I can see it all very clearly. They were all the same. Parents, children, siblings, cousins.....they were all the same. You know that saying, 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" ? Well that's what its like. It truly is a cycle.

I wish I could show them. But they would never let me. I wished I could save them, but they wouldn't let me. I tried to help them, but they wouldn't take it. There's nothing left I can do.

I'm heart broken. That damn cloud that shaded me for so long is looming. I hate that cloud. I resent that cloud.

I hope that child gets a good home, a loving home. I really do. I hope the sun shine finds his sweet face and shines brightly on him forever.

In my heart, right now.....Its a dark day today.

Teen Privacy

I'm just as opinionated as the next crazy lady, but I typically just shake my head and move on. This time, I feel the need to say something.

This morning I drove to work listening to the radio. A commercial came on talking about a new app soon to be discussed on the Connecticut News that's specifically made to alert parents to every single text, pic and article they send on their cell phones.

I LOVE this idea. But the commercial was not to advertise the app, but to discuss the controversy surrounding the privacy or lack there of for the child.

My first thought? What privacy? They are KIDS. They don't get to have privacy until they turn 18 and MOVE OUT. As far as I'm concerned, anyone stupid enough to think that they need to give their child as much privacy as necessary deserves the jail sentence they may get when their child sends someone a death threat or perhaps sends another minor pornographic images.

Again I'm falling back on an age old question: How far is too far?

If we keep making all these laws and policies and rules that give our kids more rights than us, then its no FRIGGEN wonder society is falling apart! Do you know what the national statistics are for juvenile violence?  http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/youthviolence/stats_at-a_glance/index.html How about our graduation rate? Hmm? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decreasing_graduation_completion_rates_in_the_United_States

Our society as a whole is suffering greatly. I believe that poor leadership is at the helm. First and always first, is our government. We are governed by greed, closely followed by freedom. But when I say freedom, I don't mean it in the sense that you think. WE are not free. We never were. But our government is. They are free to do whatever they want and they want money and the options to get it whenever and however they wish. In this same paragraph I add the freedom for children. Children are free to say and do what they want and we as parents are handcuffed and shackled so as not to punish them when they do wrong.

Is that not contradictory to OUR freedom? So, once we turn 18 or 21 we're pretty much screwed? Wow, not much incentive to grow up. How are we to provide our society with a better future when we are not allowed to raise our children properly?

Might I add, what the hell is with this 18 or 21 bologna?? Hmm?? I don't understand. You're free to do as you please at age 18 but you cannot legally DRINK until you're 21? What?? Am I right to say that the reason kids cant drink until they turn 21 is because they simply are NOT mature enough to make good decisions until then? But if that's so, then how the hell are they old enough to go to make their own decisions at 18? Again, our government doesn't know what the hell they're doing.

This is just the beginning. Lets say your 14 year old daughter decides to go to the mall with several of her friends and shop lift. Who has to pay for her crime?

How about your 17 year old son? If he decides to sneak out of the house, steal your neighbor's car, get into a high speed chase and wreck it, who is responsible for that?

What if your 13 year old son and 16 year old daughter decide to team up and rob the neighborhood variety store? Who's going to take the blame?

Who gets sued when you're kids hurt someone? Who goes to jail when your kids break the law? Who gets punished when your kids skip school?

YOU ARE!!!!

Its the parents responsibility to make sure their children are being raised with structure and morality. If the parent cannot accomplish this, they are punished. BUT.....its also against the law to use profanity, hit, punish, yell.....hell, even time outs have caused controversy!

Now....I know there are many of you reading this who absolutely agree with not doing any of the above things to punish your kids, but you need to pay attention to detail. If you tell your child 'No' and that child looks you in the face and says, "Psh! I'll do whatever I want!' What would you do? I really want to know. Don't hesitate for a second to comment.

I will say right now, if I tell my son NOT to hit anyone and he hauls off and whacks the kid from down the street, I'm ganna show him what it feels like. THEN I'm going to explain to him that THAT is why we don't do that. Because it HURTS. Everyone is entitled to their own personal space. And everyone has the right to NOT BE HIT.

I can also tell you, there are a great many kids out there whose parents really try. The kid does something stupid and mom takes away his/her technology. Did it work? NOPE. You make them do chores (my favorite) or maybe even ground them. Did THAT work?? Nope. Kid doesn't care. The kid will find something else to do while brooding over how much he/she hates you.

So what the hell are parents to do if we cant use that handy dandy old leather belt dad used to hang on the door? If kids aren't listening when we take away their Xbox, what the hell are we supposed to do? Just sit back and take the ASS WHIPPING we get for their crimes?

So any way you look at it, we're all bad parents? Society, if you agree with policy and the currently child abuse laws, you need counseling. YOU need to have your cheeks reddened. When you cannot punish your kids, they will run amok. When children grow up without rules or structure, or with everyone else taking the fall for THEIR wrong doings, does that make you a good and responsible adult? HELL NO.

The current child abuse policies, btw, are ridiculous. I'm not saying smack your kids senseless. I'm just saying, you cant tickle your kids anymore. That's abuse. You cant tell your child they're being a fuck up. That's abuse. You cant slap your kids hands when they touch things that they cant touch. That's abuse. You cant ignore your child when they're acting out. That's abuse. You cant even restrain your child when they attack you! That's abuse too! So really, pay attention. Screw the laws and all these stupid 'contriversial' issues between adults and kids. Do what you think is right in your heart. No one knows your child better than you. And if worse comes to worse, seek professional help.

(Having said all that I MUST add that I don't want to be misunderstood. There are true definitions of abuse. There is absolutely a 'too far' moment as far as physical abuse goes and I would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS support sexual abuse of any kind. Just be a decent law abiding citizen and do your damnedest to make your child one too.)

So as far as this new app goes for spying on your kids, I agree 100%. We HAVE to spy on our kids. Hell, make it known! Tell them you're watching them. Put tracking devises on their cars. Read every text they write, send and receive. Go through their rooms every chance you get. Its the only way!

Parents, we need to help each other. Protect yourselves!! Watch your kids like a hawk! Its like Judge Judy says, "How do you know when your teenager is lying? When there mouth is moving!" It really doesn't matter how wonderful you think your child is, they make mistakes. Its up to us to nip it in the bud before they get out of control. Otherwise, WE will suffer.

You don't want your child to grow up thinking they can do anything they want and get away with it. And I'm sure you don't want to see what happens to them when they find out the hard way that they will NOT get away with it. So as I said before, be AWARE of what your kids are doing.

Like they say on Channel 22 News every night at 10..... "It's 10:00pm. Do you know where your kids are?"

Ho Hum

I'd love to post a true and meaningful blog about some crazy thing that makes me yank my hair out. Unfortunately, when my neighbor moved out he seemed to have taken my Wi Fi with him. *sighs*

And since then it has become a real pain in my ass to type ANYTHING online!

So forgive me.....and bare with me while I try to find some other poor unsuspecting fool to steal it from.

:)