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Thursday, March 24, 2011

PR Chick VS Jamaican Man

I had to make an unexpected trip to the Social Security Office in Down Town Springfield today. I tried everything to get out of this trip as I DESPISE Springfield!! But unfortunately, I had to go anyway. So as I sit in my seat reading the hilarious posted signs on the walls and giggling over them quietly while the security guard secretly giggled at me, something AWFUL happened.
I know, don't all jump at once!! It IS Springfield!! The whole reason I despise the City is because something awful ALWAYS happens there!! Anyway, I'm reading the sign that says....and I'm NOT joking....WARNING: It is a Federal Offense to Rob, Stab, Murder, Assault, Intimidate, and Shoot a Social Security Administration Worker. Now I'm sorry, but that had me giggling so hard I had to bury my face in my jacket!! The Security Guard was sitting directly to my Right and saw me. He too then began to giggle as he realized WHY I was!! LOL!!
Well, in the midst of our giggle fits, a woman walks in with two small children. One was old enough to walk, the other an infant. I knew right away she'd be a bother because she entered the building screaming at her child in an obscene manner with no regard to how others would react. She came in and found someone inside she was with and announced her son had to PISS and hauled him into the bathroom.
I then regained my interest in the posted signs and decided I should take a picture of them so you'd all believe me. As I pulled out my phone and aimed it at the sign, I heard the Security Guard "cough" and I looked over at him to find him nodding over to ANOTHER sign that read, NO CAMERA'S OR CELL PHONES ALLOWED!!
I laughed hysterically as I saw him rest his hand on the gun at his hip while showing me a big ass! LOL!!
Just as we both began a new laugh fest, the girl comes out of the bathroom with her son and retrieves her infant from her mother. As she stands there in the front of the room I see her looking at someone not far from where I was sitting.
Suddenly the girl starts yelling at this gentleman sitting a few seats away from me.
"What are you looking at? Huh? What the fuck are you looking at?" She adjusted the crying infant on her hip and began charging over to the man and proceeded to get right in his face and screamed those words over and over. I wasn't sure what her problem was with him but is soon became clear they were familiar with each other.
The man stayed silent. It wasn't until the stupid girl smacked him across the face that he catapulted out of his chair and swung, full force!!! If it weren't for that stupid girls mother jumping in the middle and taking the hit, the baby probably would have been killed!!!
Chairs went clattering all around, the crowd jumped from their seats and began screaming...the Security Guard jumped over his desk...(impressive..he was HUGE)...and he tackled the man to the ground INCHES FROM MY FEET!! Soon other workers from inside the office were pouring out the door into the waiting room to assist the Security Guard who was now phoning the police for back up!
Another Security Guard shows up and jumps on top of the man and they manage to subdue him....BUT.....all the while, the stupid girl is screaming at him, "You dirty bastard! You showed me your dick! You showed me your dick! You dirty mother fucker!"....Nice mouth by the way! And she was jumping over the Security Guards trying to take a crack at the man....ALL WHILE STILL HOLDING THE INFANT!! Another Guard had to take her kid away and hand it to a stranger so he could subdue HER!!
Finally the Police showed up and arrested the man...but NOT the stupid girl!! Everyone in the room became irate because the girl wasn't going to jail and suddenly chaos started again!
I swear it was all I could do to hide inside my jacket and pray they called my name!! It wasn't until after all had calmed down and everyone got quiet again that I made eye contact with the Security Guard who just chuckled and began reviewing the video of the incident for the Police. All I said was, "I'm never coming to Springfield again."
And that was my daily adventure!! :)

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