Follow by Email

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Survival


I thought I was a survivor. I had a rough life and always thought that I was a survivor because I made it. But my life was calm....steady....and uneventful. I thought I had it good because 'bad things' weren't happening anymore. I had a job. I had motherhood down to a science. I had a house. I had a car. The sun would come up and the sun would go down. Things were......good.

But even as things were good, I was blinded to the fact that I really wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't making any progress. Things were good but not great. I was still living paycheck to paycheck. I was working 6 days a week and on my one day off I spent that time doing all the chores and errands I couldn't do during the other 6 days of the week. So I really had NO time.....for.....well.....anything.

I couldn't meet any new people. I couldn't take my son out to do fun things on the weekends. I couldn't get anywhere with my bills, and it was all because I'd cornered myself in the dark abyss of work and responsibilities therein taking away any potential for a relationship or success.

And then the impossible happened.

I met a man. A man who'd been right in front of my face for several years. He even asked me out.....THREE TIMES over the course of a year. I left him hanging the first two times. I suppose I'd convinced myself that any man interested in the likes of me was only interested in one thing, and that one thing is something I've learned to respect and reserve for love.

But.....

That third time.....it was a charm. I finally said yes. Unfortunately, I was also very sick. (That's right ladies...I'm that damn good....got a man while at my WORST! LOL!!) So because of my ill state, I made him.....yup, you guessed it....I made him WAIT....AGAIN. LOL!!

Now I can safely say we've been in a committed relationship for a couple of months and in this time, he's been away, out of the country on business for a while. Now I must say, I've lived alone for a VERY long time. I grew up without parents. I spent almost my whole life alone....but these last few weeks have been torture!

I figured I could handle a relationship with a man who traveled the world for work and not even break a sweat. I figured he'd go away again and I'd just settle back into my routine all work and no play like I'd done for so long and it would be totally cool. I was wrong.

He makes me want to be a better person. I cant stop thinking about our future together. He's even got me working my ass off to get these books of mine on the shelves! He's given me the drive to succeed!

I cant stop thinking about him. Every moment of every day he's on my mind. I even get annoyed when someone tries to talk to me because it interrupts my thoughts. He calls every day....texts every day....we skype all the time....and yet, I'm losing my mind.

So THIS is REAL survival. I will only be able to say I've truly survived when his 6 month stay across the ocean is over and he's home with me. Then I will be.....

A survivor.

2 comments:

  1. Bet that realization was like a punch in the gut. ;-) I'm so glad to know you found someone (or finally let him find you) that can truly touch your heart. That's what you hold while he's away...his love for you. It didn't leave. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen to that sister!! Every time I start to feel that distance between us I think of how his fingers feel rubbing the top of my hand while holding it affectionately. I remember the smell of his skin and the way he sucks his lower lip in when he thinks of just the right thing to say.

    ReplyDelete