Sad

I don't talk about this stuff much, but I'm sad. For a short time in my life I had friends, a sister....people I could talk to. Now, I don't. It's probably my own fault but never the less, I'm sad. 

I moved away, I work a lot, the people in my life kind of drifted away, my sister did terrible things that pretty much destroyed our sisterhood and caused us to be estranged, so here I sit at the end of a long, hard day wanting to rip my hair out at the roots and no one to talk to. 

I'm overwhelmed by everything expected of me. Lol! Yes, I've trapped myself with barbed wire laced with responsibility and I've soaked my wounds in loyalty. Now I'm drying my tears with honesty and I'm sleeping in a bed of wishful thinking. 

Like I said, I'm sad. There's so much I want to say but can't for fear of hurting anyone. Meanwhile, all this drama is festering inside of me and that monster I've kept caged for so long has been eating it. 

What a pickle I'm in. 

If she gets out....oh my god, there will be no safe place left on earth. I'm not even kidding. 

I'd meditate but I think it's all crap. I'd see a therapist but I'm afraid they'd have me committed. I've considered committing crimes just to get some R&R but even though I'm not religious, I still feel like I'd be damning myself. 

I'm so screwed.