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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Is there a name for a bad luck charm? I think its 'Kara'.

Since this is my 'Rants and Ramblings' page, I'm ganna tell you about my shitty month and you're ganna F*ing LIKE it or get the hell off my blog! :)

I've had the WORST luck lately. I'll be kind and sum it all up for you lazy bastards. Wouldn't want to bore you to death.

I've been trying to plan a trip in January, which FAILED miserably. I saved up a reasonable amount of money specifically for this trip and then WHAM!! I had to take the car in to get new brakes. And when I say new brakes, I mean ALL NEW. All four, front and back and ALL parts had to be replaced. It cost me every cent that I had spent months saving.

Then came delivering the bad news to the person I was going to go on this trip with.....*sighs*....lets just say that didn't go well.....response delivered with the 'lets just be friends' impression......*sighs again*.

Feeling defeated in all my efforts, I tried to gain focus and keep moving forward. Which is hard to do when so many OTHER things were weighing on my mind. To back track a little bit, there was this 'mysterious disappearence' of the contract for my very first publication. This publication obviously never fell through as my writing partner bore the responsibility to send in the completed contract and.....well....the publisher never received it....*face reddens irritably*

Aside from this, I was dealing with the disappearance of my sister. She'd dropped off the grid for over 3 months. No need to panic, she finally called to tell me she's shacking up with a new guy and to give me her new address because the holidays are coming and she demands gifts.....*grinds teeth*

Then there was the issue with my cat. My cat is very sick, she has feline asthma. Its severe and requires her to be medicated daily. As I will be traveling this winter and have no one left to watch her, I was pressed to find her a new home...which didn't happen. No one wants her (not even the shelters) because she's sick. They'd rather I throw her outside in the cold over in the winter and hope she's still alive when I get home next year.....*wipes tear*

Then Friday came....payday. Here I was expecting to start saving again for my much anticipated trip to England next summer! And of course pay a few 'auto pay' bills. Well, guess what? My paycheck never came in. As a result of this 'office error' I was charged $200 in bank fees (which I didn't have) and got a swift boot in the ass with THAT news!

With all this going on I was very much teetering on the edge of sanity and needed to find a way to crush the frustration within before I unloaded it on someone who didn't deserve it. So I decided to shut my mouth, and go outside and do yard work. Putting my muscles to work when I'm upset usually helps a great deal. It wears me out and when I'm tired.....well....I cant kill anyone.

So I took the rake and walked over to end of the stroke....two strokes....SNAP! Yes that's right, my GOOD rake snapped in half like a twig. Now I know I'm strong but DAMN!! So after a moment of smoke blowing out of my ears, I looked for a solution and took out the leaf blower. Worked. Thank god!

On top of all this I find out that my car needs about $2000 worth of MORE repairs (Piss off since I've only had it 2 years). The cat is still without a home, my sister is a bitch and my job is eating me alive. To top it all off with the every day attitude I get from my son and the ZERO time alone I have to really rest and unwind, and then there's the BIG FISH. The one thing above all I just don't think I can handle...

 My boss is sick.

Very sick. I don't know if I've ever really mentioned what I do before, but I'll tell you now. I'm a Personal Care Assistant (PCA) I take care of elderly and disabled people who still live on their own but cant take care of themselves. My boss (or client) is a quadriplegic man. He's 60 years old and wound up in a wheel chair when he was 44. He was clearing a lot with a crew that didn't follow instructions. As a result of insubordinate workers, a tree fell on him severing his spine. He was lucky he lived.

Anyway, after YEARS of being in a wheelchair and after 6 years of me being his PCA, he's suddenly getting bed sores. His wife and I are stumped as to why he's getting them. We take VERY good care of him and none of his habits have changed.

Long story short, these sores are getting really bad. He's now developing infections one after another. I've spent the last few months watching this man deteriorate before my eyes. Even as he's very sick, he still manages to get up in the morning, look me in the face and smile. I almost hate to say it but after being with him and his family for so long (I work 6 days a week and am on call) I've grown quite fond of the family and my boss has kind of become like a father to me and even to my son. So this is really taking a toll on me. Seeing and cleaning these horrible wounds every day is truly gutting me. The constant trips to the hospital is spreading me thin. Learning all the new procedures and wound care instructions for every new thing we try is numbing my brain.

Today we had a visiting nurse from the hospital come in to hook him up to a wound vac. We found ANOTHER problem. Excessive bleeding from the bladder.  It took HOURS to get him fixed up (and even that is just temporary). The stress is taking its toll on me. I fear the midnight call.

His deterioration is feeling a great deal like failure on my part. Or perhaps I'm simply bad luck.

Sorry to dump this out on the blog...but it was better than beating some random person with a stick while screaming it all at the top of my lungs at any given moment. :P



  1. I am so glad that you have decided to share this with us.

    That's very sad to hear that your person you care for is not doing good. I hope that he gets better soon.

    Sorry about that car being a pain in the ass. Go outside and kick the tire and tell it to behave or you will have a friend kick its ass so you never have to deal with the dumb thing again. I did that with my car and it never had a problem again.

  2. Hey Kara, my first visit to your blog, and I loved your post, it is cleansing in a way to just unload all that inner stuff isn't it? The health of your Client is hardly your doing though, it is the natural progression of things, but you already know that.

    Very nice blog, I will be back.

  3. Hi Rach!I dont know why everyone keeps telling me to abuse my car...thats how it got the way it is I imagine...LOL!! But thank you dear!

    Howdy Peter! Welcome aboard the crazy train! LOL!! You're right, I do know that, but it still feels more like a failure on my part. I've been his care giver for a very long time. :( But who knows, things may brighten soon.

    I'd love to have you back!! :)

  4. Ah Kara,sugar,don't feel as if you have failed him,you haven't.I'm sure he looks forward to seein' you & the boy.My son often feels this way,workin' with the mentally challenged adults he works with.Just bein' there helps themthru their day.As for ur car,hell shit happens,that's life,n it sucks at times.(-: I ain't even got a car.Vent ur lil ass off,sugar,I'll be here to listen.Hell,I may start me one of these here ventin' things.Love ya girl.

  5. Howdy Tina! My boss is actually doing a bit better today. But its really hard to explain how it feels one way when it shouldn't. You get attached and somewhere along the way the lines of work vs personal life blend and you simply cant help but feel just awful. Anyway...I was wondering when someone would just tell me to suck it up and move on. LOL!!