A Stroke of Bad Luck

Its the story of my life. When it rains it pours....or in these extraordinarily dry conditions, it FLOODS. If you think your life sucks, read on. You'll feel better in about 6 minutes.

I have had a terrible stroke of bad luck lately. Within the last 2 weeks all hell has broken loose on my life.....and my checking account.

Last Friday it was my day off and I was looking forward to a fun day with my son (who was on spring vacation) and my paycheck which was finally somewhat freed up with most bills already paid.

Just shortly after I left the house and pulled into the parking lot of one of my favorite spring time store's parking lots, something strange happened. As I got out of my car and was getting ready to close the door, my car started back up. Looking around dumbfounded with the key dangling in my hand I couldn't believe I was hearing my own car. Nervously, I jumped back into the car and began to drive back home with the intention to park the car and call my mechanic. I got about a third of the way down the street when suddenly the car went berserk! All the lights on the dash began to flash and the car began to sputter. I immediately pulled over and shut the car off just in time to see smoke pouring out from under the hood. Smelling the burning wires I ordered my son out of the car and we ran around the corner onto a nearby street in case the car exploded.      .......O_O.......

I called my mechanic and explained things. He sent out a tow truck. Thankfully it was a nice day as my son and I walked home *sighs*.

When I finally get the call later in the afternoon, the mechanic informed me that the starter was not working and he'd need to replace it in order to find out if that was it or not. He then informed me it would cost over $500 in all to do the job. He insisted he checked around and could not find a starter for my car for any less, and it would only be in on Monday. Thinking I had no other options, I gave him the go ahead.

After informing my boyfriend of the situation a while later he decided to check around to see if he could find a starter for cheaper. Sure enough, after only minutes online he found one for a fraction of the price at a nearby auto store who happened to have it right in stock. Unfortunately, by then it was too late. I had already informed the mechanic to make the order and he already had my car which didn't run. So even if I had stopped the order and had the car towed to somewhere else to have my boyfriend do the work, they still would have taken my paycheck.

So that was problem #1.

As I had paid bills that Friday morning before this catastrophe there was no way I would be able to pay for the car by Monday. And don't you just LOVE getting paid biweekly???????? If only employers were more understanding.

In the midst of the may lay I had been borrowing my boss's vehicle. While driving his vehicle I realized he had no inspection sticker on it. My boyfriend was kind enough to remind 10 THOUSAND times that if I get pulled over its MY ass on the line, not my boss's. So I began to badger my boss about getting a sticker which he wasn't and still isn't too eager to have done. While badgering him I realized that BOTH his vehicles which I drive daily, are not inspected. DOUBLE WHAMMY!

But anyway, fortunately I didn't get pulled over with any of their vehicles........yet.

So I realized eventually that I had a rather large check coming from some body damage I had assessed by my insurance agent for the car. It was more than what I was going to pay for the actual work so I figured, no big deal, I'll just pay for the starter with that check.

It had been over a week I'd been waiting for my lender's endorsement department to send it back to me. Well, days were coming and going and the mail box kept proving fruitless. My impatient but very loving boyfriend couldn't stand to watch me wobble around with clipped wings so he footed the money for it.

I got the car back and all seemed okay except my inspection sticker was expired. (Oh the irony.) So I went to have the car inspected. Just as I started up the car to go, the engine light came on. I sat there staring at that little red engine with a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. "What else could go wrong?" I muttered through clenched teeth.

Sure enough, the car failed inspection. All I could think was, "I JUST GOT THIS DAMN CAR!" Which really isn't that true. I've had it for a little over 2 years. I kinda got screwed when I bought it but I figured it beat dealing with the old beater I had before that left my ass on the side of the road at least once a week. Unfortunately, car repairs have suddenly sky rocketed with the state of the economy and no matter I do, I just cant win.

Informed of what needed to be done, I suddenly felt faint and saw little green dollar signs floating around my head like little birdies. The repair will cost me at least $1000 and it has to be done in 60 days. OUCH!

So I went home with my tail between my legs and prayed for mercy. When I got home and checked the mailbox with high hopes, they were quickly squashed with only one letter in the mail (not the check). And this letter had informed me that my medical insurance had now been officially cancelled as I had not made that ever crucial (already late) payment the Friday before. With prescriptions to be filled, you can imagine my reaction.

As much as I wanted to burst into tears and hide under a rock I had to be strong. My son was around (as always) and my boyfriend was on his way over to spend time with us. So instead of a complete and total emotional break down, I just ground my teeth a little more.

Now I sit at my desk dumping this on all of you and thinking about all the other things that are going to be cancelled/shut off for non payment as I stumble around helplessly awaiting this elusive check and my next paycheck.

Getting slightly unhinged I decided to call the lender to check the status of the check with the endorsement department. They informed me that the check had been signed and sent back on the 17'th of last month! I nearly fell out of my chair. After a few minutes of, "How could this be?" and "What do I do now?" the lender informed me to give it a couple more days as it was probably just lost in the mail.

For all of you who don't know, my mail man is a bastard. He actually hides my mail from me. Sometimes I find it in the street. Sometimes I find it stuffed behind the mailbox, sometimes he just doesn't show up at all. Yup, nice guy. Nothing I can do about it either. The Post Office doesn't care.

So now I don't know what to do. The clock is ticking for these bills and repairs and now the check has mysteriously disappeared. Figures.

As I ranted and raved  about this to my boyfriend, he simply said, "Call the insurance company. Have them stop payment on that check and issue a new one." He was right. As much as I worry that the second they stop payment the check will show up in the mailbox, he was right. So I called my insurance company.

As I was trying to get through the animated version of the call, "Please dial your parties extension" I kept trying to dial the number. The phone suddenly malfunctioned and I couldn't dial it. As I failed to dial, the phone disconnected. So I tried again. The same thing happened. My face reddened and my eyes began to water and I tried one last time. Didn't work. The phone malfunctioned and cut me off.

As I sat there yelling, "What's wrong with you?!?" and banged the phone on the desk I realized it was time to give up. I shut the phone off and ended my episode for what I PRAY was the end of it for the day.

Sitting here writing this out I remembered something. I recently did my Tarot Card reading. With all this damn bad luck I needed at least some hint of good news. It said the most amazing things. Two things specifically. One I wont mention as I'm sure my boyfriend will read this as it involves him and the other thing was that I will be coming upon a turn of unexpected good fortune in the very near future that will right all that's been wronged. All I can think now is, "Yeah....really UNexpected."

But even as this kind of nonsense happens to me all the damn time and I go through these roller coasters of 'woas' and 'yays' there is one thing that's changed for the better. I now have someone who loves me even despite the horrible series of unfortunate events that tend to plague my life. And for that, if nothing else, I will keep a smile on my face because even if this 'bad luck' never takes a back burner, he's still in my life. That makes it all worth while.

:)

Cuffing the Po Po

As I sit here this lovely afternoon and watch the local news I cant help but shake my head. One of the headlines in this afternoon's news is Accessive Force: Should police be limited or even allowed to use force?

I must say, when I saw and heard that I clenched my teeth, closed my eyes and shook my head. First people complain that there's too much violence in the cities. If you saw all the headlines I see on the news every single morning before I go to work, you'd wonder whether or not I was completely out of my mind for ever leaving the house at all! And now this??

Kids are so far out of control that our tax dollars now have to go to city police officers maintaining permanent posts at just about every school in all of our surrounding districts. Metal detectors are in schools. A Kindergartner recently was found with something like $50,000 worth of crack on him in school. No Shit! Are you kidding me??

I recently posted a pic I took with my cell phone on twitter and facebook of a bum sleeping in a big flower pot on the side of an extremely busy intersection in the heart of Springfield in the middle of the day. I'm not joking. People were just walking by on the street like its no big deal.

Another story I heard on the news was an issue of children standing on the side of the road and throwing rocks at cars as they pass by. Several accidents were reported and a hale storm of damaged cars were reported in the area. No arrests were made. http://www.wwlp.com/dpp/news/local/hampden/several-cars-hit-by-rocks-in-spfld?ref=scroller&categoryId=20023&status=true

One of my local police officers is now pressing charges against a man for attempted murder. The officer was asked to accompany a woman to her estranged husband's house to collect her things safely. Its the officer's job to go with her to keep the peace. The husband went nuts and attacked the officer without warning pummeling him in the head so many times that the officer had to call for back up and was then taken to the ER where he had to have his scalp stitched back on. Again, no joke. http://www.wwlp.com/dpp/news/Accused-police-attacker-in-court

Should officers be allowed to use force? Should officers be allowed to use ACCESSIVE force?? YES!!!!!! They absolutely should and quite frankly, I wish they'd do it more often!!

Did you know that in high crime areas judges are LESS LIKELY to stick that little extra charge of 'battery on a police officer', or 'evading police' because they don't want to be bothered with all the extra work? Did you know that? They look at the biggest charges on the list that the police provide and simply ignore the rest.

Because of this, criminals don't mind fighting to flee from police. And of course the adverse affect this has on cops can go one of two ways: They either give up and do nothing to fight crime, or they get mad and snap, beating people in the streets within an inch of their lives (which I personally don't mind. Tough love, I say).

If charges were pressed against EVERYONE for EVERY charge they incur, believe me, they'd think a HUNDRED times before doing something stupid. They wouldn't be so inclined to throw rocks at cars. They wouldn't feel so comfortable lighting up a crack pipe or doing a drug deal right in front of the local convenience store at 1:00pm in the afternoon. They'd think twice if they knew they'd go to jail for EVERY SINGLE illegal act they're performing.

So YES, the police should be doing everything and anything they can to stop these criminals from taking over our cities. And the rest of us good folks who work hard for our money and simply do all we can to be a good person, we should be supporting our officers and not giving in to every little smack head with puppy dog eyes that says they were treated unfairly ANOTHER chance.

Oh, and by the way, whatever happened to the 3 strikes laws???? See? That's the judicial system making their money and letting criminals go. After all, without criminals they'd be unemployed like 80% of the rest of our suffering country. We cant have that......O_O......Please support our officers. They need us more than you think.

Pleasure

I've come upon an epiphany. Pleasure. Oh, how the devil tempts us. He gives us food that tastes wonderful but makes our cholesterol count sky rocket. He gives us money that buys us everything but nothing that truly makes us happy. He gives us love. But that love comes with sacrifice. He gives us sex, but orgasm is the subject. He gives us everything we ask for but takes the most important things away in the process.

That food tastes amazing, but it has no nutritional value. You eat it every meal of the day because it makes you feel good. But you keep getting sick.....your heart pounds with the slightest of activities.....you get tired so fast.....and your Doctor keeps telling you to take your medication and go on a diet. But you're not over weight and you feel no need to heed these warnings.

You make a decent living, but beyond your bills you figure you have money to burn so you gamble. You play the lottery even though you already have so much money you dont know what to do with it. You buy toys that you can only use 3 months out of the year. But no matter how much money you spend, you still arent happy.

You find love but that love has defects or demands. Suddenly you have to deal with some strange 'catch' or another. Whether it be a physical flaw such as a beer belly or stretch marks. Perhaps your lover is everything you ever dreamed of but cant satisfy you in bed. Or maybe a child or two....or TEN that you didn't expect to ever have to deal with. Maybe your lover is piss poor broke and you never really know if they want you for you or for your money. Happiness evades you still.

Lets say your sex life is null and void....or worse...you have sex but your partner cares only for their own satisfaction. There isn't a care in the world about your needs. Aint that a kick in the teeth?

What is enough? Where will the hammer drop? We spend our lives trying to make ourselves happy only to find we've sabatouged ourselves. Happiness evades us and runs far and fast. And it does so because happiness is smarter than we are. Happiness doesn't sink to our level. It eats all the right foods. Happiness only spends as much money as it absolutely has to and puts the rest in a 911 account. It recycles and reuses things as much as it can. Happiness takes love for all its worth and turns it into even MORE happiness. (Recycling at its best) And love never worries about such trivial things as orgasms and ice cream. Happiness is like the summer sun....ever warming....ever loving....and ever lasting. It needs none of the things the devil has to offer.  It just needs to remember who it is and where it came from. And it will be .....

....forever happy.

I'm angry so read at your own risk.

A rant, a ramble....call it what you will. But its coming at ya so catch it or duck!


I have a friend. She is my best friend. We've known each other since Kindergarten. We met when I saved her from a mentally retarded boy who was strangling her at play time in school. I beat him over the head with a barbie doll and got him to let her go just in the nick of time. We've been best friends ever since.


I haven't heard from her in months, but she called me yesterday to wish me a belated happy birthday. (We don't speak often because her boyfriend stole jewelry from me and I called him on it. So now he gets mad when she talks to me, so she waits till he's not around to call me.) I graciously said thank you and proceeded to listen to her list of excuses for not saying happy birthday to me on Sunday (my actual birthday).


She had very good excuses......sort of. She's been running around like a mad woman working every day and sick to the point of several DR visits. Her life has become, shall I say, complicated....over the years. She met 'Mr.Right' and gave birth to his first child at 19. 10 months later she gave birth to his second child at which point he disappeared (thank god). She's had it rough ever since. She's always been very self conscious and made to believe that she's worthless and disgusting by her own 'loving' family. 


About 5 years ago, she met a man. She found him to be 'different' and was entranced by him. Within 2 weeks of meeting him, he moved into her apartment. With him he brought his damaging alcohol and drug problem as well as his criminal record. 


In spite of all my warnings she completely ignored me and kept 'Mr.SUPER Right'. I later find out that he had no job nor did he have any prospects or wishes to continue his education. Another flag went up. I soon found that his parents and his brothers and all their children lived in her town too. And they all had very similar stories.


I learned that all of his family had the same basic history. None of them have a license or a vehicle. None of them have a job and....what do you know....none of them speak English. Interesting. Worst of all, they all have alcohol and drug problems that are so bad they have actually caused some very serious medical problems with all of them. (not to mention its caused a very lengthy rap sheet for each of them including extreme violence and theft) What a lovely role model she chose for her children.


Keeping all this in mind, my best friend just told me that she's now moved her boyfriend's parents into her house (her NEW house by the way, which she worked extremely hard for and purchased all by herself). One of her boyfriend's brother's quite literally up and left the state without a word leaving his MANY children at home alone! So she has taken one of the kids into her home for good and fortunately found other homes for the other children.


One of her boyfriend's OTHER brothers just got out of rehab AGAIN! And AGAIN, came to her for money and a fix. And lord help me if I forget that all his other relatives always go to to HER for EVERYTHING.


Any time any of them have to go to the DR they ask her to take them. Any time they need to go shopping, she takes them. Anytime they run out of food, she buys them more. Any time they need ANYTHING...she's 'responsible' to take care of them. 


My best friend is one of the kindest, sweetest women in the world.....but she's a SUCKER! She's now been with her boyfriend for over 5 years and all this time NONE of them....him or his family have never once worked. Not once. None of them have a license because they've had too many DUI's. And none of them speak English. Why, you ask? Because they don't HAVE to. Since they cant speak English they are considered disabled and receive Social Security. Because they are alcoholics and drug addicts, they are considered disabled and receive Social Security. The ONE thing the US government has required from them is a very limited stay in rehab......ONCE. Now they're entitled to Social Security for life.....even after never having worked to EARN that money a single day in their pathetic lives. 


(How much do you love your country right now? Our government is refusing to pay for medical treatment to injured soldiers who are fighting for OUR COUNTRY but illegal immigrants, alcoholics and drug addicts are perfectly welcome to live her for FREE while the rest of us hard working, law abiding citizens work our ASSES off for THEM. I ask again, how much do you love your country right now?)


I love my best friend, but she needs to wake up. She's been working 6...even 7 days a week for YEARS to take care of her kids and her boyfriend and his family. Not once have they ever helped her with anything. They don't even give her gas money to haul their lazy asses around. 


Now my best friend is in and out of the hospital for horrible debilitating issues with her spine among other very serious medical issues that will require surgeries so severe that the DR's are not willing to perform them at her age as they will take away her ability to work. She's called me crying in pain because she couldn't afford to visit the DR. She's called me crying because she couldn't take her medication due to having to truck her boyfriend's family around. 


I love my best friend very much, but I'm afraid I will lose her far too early in life because her self esteem has been so damaged growing up that she cant bring herself to let her boyfriend go for fear she'll never be loved. 


Life is short. Let this be a lesson to you all. Don't waste it on those who don't truly care about you. Live for yourself and your REAL loved ones.


Here's something to think about....how blind have YOU been?


PS
I don't give a shit if there's typos. Bite me.

Mechanical Hearts

So Doctors and scientists are saying they are on a verge of a medical miracle. A miracle that some are saying is an abomination or sacrilege.

Scientists have created a mechanical human heart. Based on the creation of pace makers and advanced all the way up to a break through in medical science.

But while scientists are clinking glasses and popping confetti, the rest of the civilized (informed) world is gasping with a number of questions so high breath is a mere memory.

Now we're entering uncharted territory. As far as the world has experienced, common knowledge states that once the heart stops, we die. Well what if it doesn't stop? We have no idea how long the rest of the body can live, especially the brain.

Could this be the beginning of the end of the human race? Should scientists, Doctors and/or government be allowed to use such a devise? And if so, whats next? We can already replace most organs, even regrow some (liver, tissues).

Among all other miracle monsters (cloning, genetic tampering, stem cell research)  how far is too far?

What are your thoughts?

Survival

I thought I was a survivor. I had a rough life and always thought that I was a survivor because I made it. But my life was calm....steady....and uneventful. I thought I had it good because 'bad things' weren't happening anymore. I had a job. I had motherhood down to a science. I had a house. I had a car. The sun would come up and the sun would go down. Things were......good.

But even as things were good, I was blinded to the fact that I really wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't making any progress. Things were good but not great. I was still living paycheck to paycheck. I was working 6 days a week and on my one day off I spent that time doing all the chores and errands I couldn't do during the other 6 days of the week. So I really had NO time.....for.....well.....anything.

I couldn't meet any new people. I couldn't take my son out to do fun things on the weekends. I couldn't get anywhere with my bills, and it was all because I'd cornered myself in the dark abyss of work and responsibilities therein taking away any potential for a relationship or success.

And then the impossible happened.

I met a man. A man who'd been right in front of my face for several years. He even asked me out.....THREE TIMES over the course of a year. I left him hanging the first two times. I suppose I'd convinced myself that any man interested in the likes of me was only interested in one thing, and that one thing is something I've learned to respect and reserve for love.

But.....

That third time.....it was a charm. I finally said yes. Unfortunately, I was also very sick. (That's right ladies...I'm that damn good....got a man while at my WORST! LOL!!) So because of my ill state, I made him.....yup, you guessed it....I made him WAIT....AGAIN. LOL!!

Now I can safely say we've been in a committed relationship for a couple of months and in this time, he's been away, out of the country on business for a while. Now I must say, I've lived alone for a VERY long time. I grew up without parents. I spent almost my whole life alone....but these last few weeks have been torture!

I figured I could handle a relationship with a man who traveled the world for work and not even break a sweat. I figured he'd go away again and I'd just settle back into my routine all work and no play like I'd done for so long and it would be totally cool. I was wrong.

He makes me want to be a better person. I cant stop thinking about our future together. He's even got me working my ass off to get these books of mine on the shelves! He's given me the drive to succeed!

I cant stop thinking about him. Every moment of every day he's on my mind. I even get annoyed when someone tries to talk to me because it interrupts my thoughts. He calls every day....texts every day....we skype all the time....and yet, I'm losing my mind.

So THIS is REAL survival. I will only be able to say I've truly survived when his 6 month stay across the ocean is over and he's home with me. Then I will be.....

A survivor.

Normal

So you all know I've been single a while. Okay....a LONG while. And a while back I said I was in love. I was wrong. I felt the same thing I felt every other time I've ever 'fallen' for someone. Used and covered up like a crime. I once vowed never to feel like that again and yet I was sinking in the quick sand of time and foolishness. It can be a devil you know.

But now....things have changed right before my eyes. I found something....someone. A new awakening. A new view on life. A man came into my life changing all the things I  believed in one swift swoop! I'm not here to tell you a love story. I'm not here to tell you that I've gotten another straggler in my life. I'm here to tell you that things really can change. Things really do exist that can change your perspective on life.

Something happened. It started with a date. This date was not exactly a first date...but it was certainly a first for me. I never met this man aside from the occasional smile and nod as he is the neighbor of a good friend of mine. Until this Thanksgiving. He had been asking for months to take me to dinner and I had blown him off until I bumped into him again on Thanksgiving.

He was there......he was next to me......a gentlemen, telling me of his adventures and travels and how he hated to do all this alone. He made me realize just how alone I was. The idea of anyone else on earth feeling as alone as I do made me cry inside.

His soft brown eyes melted me from the first glance. His smile was warm and sweet, innocent and welcoming. The idea that this man was interested in the likes of ME was just ridiculous. How could anyone so sweet and wonderful fall for a crazy lady like me?

But he did....the more he talked, the closer we got. The closer we got...the closer we wanted to get. I nearly kissed him good night when I left that night. Then of course I came to my senses and simply waved and walked away.

Ever since that night, we've been talking, visiting, dating, going out and spending time together. Time I wish never to lose. I cant believe I waited so long. I cant believe I built castles in the sky. I wonder why I waited and realized, I'm a dreamer. All this time I've been dreaming of a fairy tale and never taking the time to realize that fairy tales are just that. They are not real. And 'he' has been right in front of me the whole time. So much time wasted. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I would have said yes the first time he asked me out. But as he says so eliquently, "Good things come to those who wait."

I'm glad he waited.

We went on an outing to Yankee Candle....just him, me and my son Jake. It was the most normal I'd ever felt in my life. We walked around looking at things, smelling candles, holding hands and occasionally kissing when no one was looking. He's the sweetest man I think I've ever met. Very much the gentleman with manners to challenge the modern man. Opening doors for me...standing to offer me a seat....letting me take his arm as we walk.....he's a true gentleman. And he even took the time to talk to my son. Asking him about school and paying full attention when my son answered or spoke for any other reason. No man has ever done that before. It made my heart hurt for all the time wasted in between my son's birth and now.

Anyway, the more we walked, the more comfortable I felt. I've never in my life felt so comfortable with a man. I've always had that incling in the back of my mind that said, "he just wants to sleep with you. Walk away now." but this time.....this time was different. I didn't have that feeling. It was like we'd known each other for years. Not a shred of discomfort. I didn't feel uncomfortable. He was wonderful. I dont even know how else to describe it. He was just wonderful. And to be honest....he still is.

This is it for me. If this fails, I may lose all hope in mankind forever. It doesn't have to be another person showing you that life can be different. It can be an event, an icon, a stranger off the street, simple words that mean so much. But for me.....its him.

I'm now seeing things I never thought I'd see. I now smell things differently. Suddenly flowers smell real and alive rather than like perfume. I see the sunrise differently. Its now full of color and life as where before it was just another morning where I had to get ready for work and followed through with my routine.

This person has opened my eyes, my mind and a part of me I thought was gone forever. For THIS I am thankful. This year.....this Thanksgiving I was given a gift. One I will not take lightly. One I will not take for granted. This one is worth keeping.

If you  begin to lose faith, just remember, there is something out there in the universe for you....waiting for you. Only for you. And it is strong and alive. There is strength standing close. Closer than you think. And when you are on the brink of losing it all.....it will come. Faith will be renewed and your heart will sing again.
Take it from me. The wize but crazy lady.

You'll see.

The picture above is a sunrise we shared even as we were in two different places, we both saw it at the same time and told each other of the amazing sunrise. Thankfully I took a picture of it. Now we both share the picture of the sunrise we both saw at different places at the same time. I think of it as a miracle. He thinks of it as a coincidence but we wont tell him how magical it really is ;)

Deep down, he knows. :)

And so do you.