Today I'm Here to RANT

How many of you pay insurance, whether it be medical, vehicle, home or any other kind of insurance? All of us do right? How much money do you spend on these insurances every year? Think about it for a minute. I've done the math. And I found that I pay over $2000 in insurance payments every year. And a few years ago it was MUCH higher simply because of my age.

Well....the area I live in was struck by a tornado and destroyed thousands of homes and cars in several cities and surrounding towns. Now all the victims are trying to recover what they lost only to get the doors slammed in their faces by the insurance companies. Most of the home owners who've lost everything are retired elderly people who never could have imagined a tornado in Massachusetts. And now they find themselves homeless, unemployed and without help because the insurance companies refuse to help them.

I strongly feel that the laws and policies in this country prevent us all from being what this country is supposed to be about......FREEDOM.

You pay thousands upon thousands of dollars into insurance policies that by law, you HAVE to have...and yet, when you need that insurance to recover what you've lost or damages you've incurred they say no???

If this is okay, then so is stealing. Because that's all it really is. You pay money into a system put there to help you financially should anything happen and when something happens they DON'T help. That's stealing is it not? And yet its perfectly legal for them to do that! That PISSES me off!!!!!!!! We work too damn hard and pay FAR too much taxes to have these companies milk us for every penny WE earned! I say if they want to get paid, they should get off their asses and get a fucking job!

I think we should all ban together and fight the system. Send a letter to the White House. Call your Senators and your Mayor's!! We need to stop these giant companies from running us dry like the damn Banks did!!

Okay, I'm done ranting now. :)

Just a Note From the Crazy Lady

Loneliness is a pain that exists to remind us that life has more meaning than a busy schedule or a life filled with work and responsibility. Fore every tear that is shed there is an argument avoided. For every night spent with eyes wide open there is one less heart broken. I find comfort in this. For its the only way.

I've yet to find peace in it all but, I'm sure in time it's purpose will come clear. A lesson perhaps. Am I a teacher for all? I am a master of nothing. I have many tears shed. I've many sins to answer to. Cant help but question faith. Maybe God has an answer or two. I've found that trials bring you treasure's no matter how small they seem. I'll never take them for granted.

 I will forever fight fro my love and my soul. I will always ignite a fire in the deepest darkest crypts of my being. I will fight. For always. I will be here, working...waiting. Its not in me to quit though I want to so badly sometimes. This is just a note, a feeling, a blight. I wish I could say it the way I feel it but until then, I'm all I have to give.

The Twitter Novel Complete!

I just wanted to drop you all a line. I've finished my 3'rd edit on the twitter novel and passed it off to my wonderful partner in crime, Simon, to be read for the very first time. I've also passed it off to Jamie to be seen by fresh new eyes. Hopefully there wont be many mistakes...or none at all. LOL!!

I just wanted to thank everyone for sticking with us through the making of 'Birds of a Feather'. It was the most interesting story I've ever written, I must say, and cant help but wonder what it will bring for the future. But whatever that is, I've all of you to thank for it.

Wish us luck!

The Things We Learn With Time

Don't worry, I wont plague you with another poem. LOL!! This is just something I've recently been thinking about and needed to put into words.

I've lived far longer than my 30 years would have you think. I've been through a great deal in my life and though I'm an adult and now live a comfortable, peaceful life I cant help but think about the years past.

When I was a kid, I was a foster child. I moved MANY times, and had to transfer schools on countless occasions. I was always 'the new girl'. I lived in many small towns, and they truly do live up to their reputations as 'word travels fast'. Everyone knew everyone and in the predicament that I was ALWAYS in, I ASSUMED that everyone knew who I was, and what I was.

I never said a word to anyone. I was too afraid. They would look at me with their heads bowed like they felt bad for me, but yet, they wouldn't talk to me. The small few who did, I hold in my heart forever. But those who did not always made me feel small. Its those people I've recently been thinking about.

Now that I'm grown, I've begun to reconnect a bit with long lost friends, and even acquaintances. And only now am I realizing, they didn't know. I was SHOCKED to find out that they never actually knew who I was, or where I came from. They knew I was different. I was not French Canadian as everyone else was. And I showed up as a young girl rather than growing up with them.

My story was a mystery to them, and all this time I'd been thinking the worst of them for shunning me, when in all actuality, I was shunning them. For that I apologize. I didn't know.

I've recently discussed this with several of those people. I must give them credit for their understanding and continued smiles. Now they're finding comfort in putting the puzzle pieces together, as it makes their understanding of me far more easy to read. LOL!!

I guess the moral of all this is a simple one...and one I should have known all along. 'Never Judge A Book By It's Cover'. You never really know whats written within its pages.

Dying with Violins

Spouting poetry from a night stand. Seems a futile attempt to bleed. Violins play in a heart of bitter turmoil. Pain fills a hunger that empties the jugular of a willing victim. Playing the strings. Praying for sleep but never resting. Hoping the sour shadows are cast on a tomb covered in sweet flowers. A single rose, the favorite unearthed and wilting but letting off the most of its captures's weakness. A scent so unmatched by even the desert's most beautiful beast.

Betrayal ignites a fire that ever wanting embers have waited for, far too long. We fall. May the lessons the past teach us find us willing to separate the death from the life. Though that which brings life is death itself. An extraordinary mirage of wander and agony. As cold as we are we still feel. Laying shadows beneath us we bask under storm clouds alive with thunder.

We are all something less than we know. Even as magic is all around us, we drift along in rivers of regret, wanting, waiting, for forgiveness, for light. We pray for sunshine and wade in the sandy waters. Muddy and alone we stand, cold and writhing with the rhythmic violin ringing softly in our ears.

Wingless

I shouldn't be writing this but I don't care. I have nothing specific to say but felt like writing anyway. I feel old and used and cheap and abused but I smile and keep trudging. I often wonder about life and death and what it was all for...but in the end...if ever it comes for me...will it really matter? Will any of it really matter?

I try to be human and smile when I really  want to cry. I try to be funny when inside I want to die. No comments really bother me, but somehow they affect me. I often find myself looking for trouble when I know it will haunt me.

I wonder if God is waiting for me, or if I have yet to see...what in death the devil has there waiting for me. I've done many things I'm ashamed of and wish I could change. But in the end it wont matter, cuz I cant change whats done. I'll probably never be saved.

I thank all those who've tried, but truth be told I'm not worth it. I've lived and died a thousand times and STILL I am Kara. I'm not worth it.

I just hope and pray that some day I'll have wisdom enough to teach you all that freedom is a free fall...its a life of love and loneliness filled with tears. And some day you will all feel the pains of fear. Until then smile and joke for the devil will find you as you're all just a puff of smoke.

I wish it were different, I wish I could change things. I know I am powerless and though I wish they were mine I am wingless. I wish I could save you, teach you how to live. But I am dying with every breath that I give. I wish I could love you, I wish you could see, that the power within me was borrowed, not free.

Pray this has taught you something, pray its found  you well, for I am very tired, at the bottom of this wishing well. May the lord be with you, may he find you peace. For he has left me...only a painful destructive release.

Burned by Desire

Such sweet sorrow. My heart beats and breaks with every thought of you. Your kiss I cant take. One who loves me and hates me, caresses me and kills me. I don't know what to do. This longing so torments me. Its senseless and ruthless smothering me with sweet kisses and throttling me with ignorance. You lose me to make me find you, and just as I give up you seek me out again.  I can take no more but I want you so. I see the door, but you wont let me go. I'm so pushed and pulled by you, you haunt me restlessly. I see you when my eyes are closed though I've never seen your sweet face. You are my ghost, my muse, my mystery, my abuse. Like clouds in the wind, only God knows whats to be. You are my tormentor my lover the monster in me. These chains are painful, they bind me inside. Forces from above and below struggle to gain control. Our love is not sinful but I'm blinded deep inside. Your blood runs cold, your pain is so numb, the feelings I have for you are treacherous at best and at worst simply dumb. You follow me and run from me never letting me out of your sight. I want you inside me, in my heart and soul you are the guardian of my night. I want to tell you I love you, but my throat lumps and lies. The screaming inside my head wont let me try. I could never know you but I am yours. I'm falling apart at these weak old seams, I am crawling on all four's. I want to hold and love you, i want you at my door. I want to kiss and hug you, but instead I suffer forever more.