Okay, I'm going to tell you a second hand story. Its a story my boss told me about that he did years ago. It made me laugh so damn hard I nearly shaved half my boss's mustache off!
So its about his nephew, Matt. He was over one day during the summer with nothing to do so Rocco (my boss who was in full form OUT of the wheel chair at the time) decided to take him out back to throw a baseball around. Matt was about 7 or 8 at the time and was on a team, so Rocco thought a little practice would be good.
So they got to throwing the ball back and forth and Matt was catching every throw. He started to get confident with his skills and got a little cocky.
"Throw the ball harder Uncle Rocco!" he yelled.
Rocco was a little nervous at first but asked if he was sure he could handle it.
"Yeah, yeah! Throw it harder! I can catch it!"
So Rocco said okay and threw the ball a little bit harder. Matt caught the ball no problem. The smile on his face made Rocco feel a little more comfortable with the throws. So he threw the ball again. Matt again caught the ball without a hitch.
Getting more confident with his swings, Rocco threw the ball again, good and hard. This time, poor Matt didn't catch the ball. Well, not with his hands anyway. The ball slipped through his hands and hit him right under his eye, full force! Rocco cringed at the sound the ball made on Matt's cheekbone. It was like a popping cork!
Matt went down like a ton of bricks, holding his face and whaling on the ground. Rocco ran over to him like a bullet. "Matt, are you okay?" Rocco asked frantically.
"It hurts really bad!" Matt cried out still covering his face with his hands.
Rocco needed to see the damage, so he pried the kids hands from his face to find a huge lump forming under Matt's eye. It was the size of an egg and still growing. Rocco panicked and tried to remember back to the old days when he was growing up in Italy. (of course they didn't have hospitals at the ready or cars to get them there in a timely manner at the time) He looked around quickly and assessed the area to try and find a way to stop the swelling.
The sprinklers had been on that day and the ground was fairly wet. Without hesitation, Rocco took poor Matt by the head and dunked his face into the mud. Matt resisted, squealing and fighting to keep his face out of the mud.
"Hang on now, I've got to get the swelling down!" Rocco babbles pressing the boy's face into the mud again.
"Uncle Rocky, I cant see!" Matt cried out with an exaggerated sob.
Rocco insisted he 'muddy' up his face, thinking the mud was cold and would help to get the swelling down. Though they were only in the back yard of the house and Matt's mom was inside talking with Rocco's wife, he still insisted on dunking the poor battered kid in mud.
So now the kids in tears, he's got a seriously swollen eye and now he's got mud all over his face AND in his eye!
Rocco ran in the house with Matt at his heels and hands him off to his mom. In a calm yet breathless voice, he looked at Matt's mom and said, "You might want to take him to the Emergency Room."
"What did you do to my Matty?" his mom yelled wiping the mud off his face. "And why is he covered in mud?" The woman scolded Rocco.
"I didn't do anything! He didn't catch the ball!" Rocco simply said in defense. "It didn't hit him in the eye but you still should have him checked."
Matt and his mom left for the hospital and in the end, there was no permanent damage.
When Rocco was telling me this story he also kind of told on himself. When I couldn't stop laughing about the mud in the eyes, he kept talking.
I said, "Weren't you in the back yard?"
Rocco said, "Yeah." Like it was no big deal.
I said, "Why didn't you just run in the house and get some ice?"
Rocco said, "His mom was in there!"
I said, "Do you ever see or speak to him?"
Rocco said, "No." with a smirk. "But he came to the Restaurant last night and talked with the kids. He said he missed us. I wonder if he remembers that."
I said, "You probably traumatized him! Though if he misses you he may have blocked out that segment of his life....either that or brain damage."