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Monday, November 28, 2011

Never Fails

So.....last night I decided to call my sister. I hadn't spoken to her in weeks and I even managed to avoid calling her on Thanksgiving. Its no secret she's the only family I have that I ever speak to but only because she's very far away and also because if I ever shut her out the way I did with the rest of the family, she'd most likely sink into depression and commit suicide.

Anyway....I called her. I've been having a VERY rough couple of months lately and I've managed to keep it all to myself....well....with the exception of a friend or two....but even with them, I've held back. So it was bubbling over last night. More stuff just kept happening and I simply couldn't take anymore. So I called her. She answered happily with no new news of her own which typically gives me the green light to tell her about anything thats going on in MY life.

I began to explain to her how upset I was....with as little a voice as I have being sick with laryngitis. I told her of my broken heart, I told her about my boss who's like a father to me being so close to death. I told her about all the little things that seemed to be pushing me so effortlessly over the edge (toaster oven fire, dishwasher break down, cell phone mishaps and so on) I even told her about how my payroll company has been slacking to the point where they were late paying me both times this month which put my auto pay bills into the red this month. I've lost over $500 in bank fees alone because of them. I even told her that I STILL haven't gotten my son anything for Christmas and may not be able to do much at all because of all the above.

Would you believe.....she talked to her friends who were getting drunk the entire time I was talking....and somewhere through my sob story she handed the phone to her friend who butted in and began talking to me about himself until he got good and drunk. Once he was completely wasted he simply forgot I was on the phone and wound up in a fight with someone else in the house! I only know because I heard everything. He hadn't spoken to ME for over 10 minutes and my sister seemed to have forgotten that I was even on the phone.........so I hung up and went to bed in tears.

Now she wont talk to me because she says I was rude to hang up on her.

I really feel like just handing her a razor blade sticking my wrist in her face. I dont talk about my feelings often....especially to family. But when I do, I expect people to listen. If you dont......fuck you. I wont be talking to you anymore. If I'm not important enough for you.....then you're not important enough for me.

I wont be calling her again.

Ps

I dont give a shit if there's any typos. I'm not fixing them.

9 comments:

  1. O_O *hugs* Wow! I understand this too well! No talking about killing yourself! No razor blade/wrist talk! No! If you need to talk, you know I'm here for you. I may not be family, but I listen very well and keep my mouth shut to others. What she did isn't right and she has some nerve acting like you're the one who did something wrong! It was her! She was wrong! I just want to punch her for you! *hugs* Just remember I'm here for you. Love you twinsy!!

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  2. I am so sorry. You have every right to be angry at her. You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can't pick your family. However, that doesn't mean you have to put up with BS and kiss their tails. Home is where the heart is, and true family is the people who love you. I'm always here.

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  3. Thank you ladies. I know she was the one in the wrong, it just pisses me off how easy it is for her to disrespect me. I only say I'd give her my wrist because THAT is what she wants. Thats what the entire family wants....its why I left. They cant STAND that I'm....normal....for all intensive purposes.....*sighs in frustration*

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  4. Seriously, if she ever threatens to kill herself if you stop speaking with her, tell her what I told someone who tried that. "I'll hand you the knife. Just don't get blood on my stuff." It's just something to get attention. To keep you locked in their world. A Dr. told me that and recommended me saying something like I did. You have to break the cycle before it breaks you. That was his last piece of advice. Once I did it, I became free. You deserve freedom, Kara. Take it! Embrace it! And remember that we're here for you!! *hugs*

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  5. Yeah, I know. She's cried wolf for years. And deep down she hates me just as much as the rest of the family so whatever. I'm just not going to bother with her anymore. She can join the rest of them. I will embrace my freedom.....I will be free to roam. :) Thank you for everything Jamie. :)

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  6. You said it yourself, Kara. You're the normal one. You're the one who has made a life to be proud of. What have they done? They are jealous and resentful of the fact that you stand on your own two feet. You do what they can't. You are what they can't be. So they take it out on you (which isn't right by any means)and expect you to grovel at their feet for attention and affection. Don't give them the satisfaction. You have people who truly care about you. You can turn to us anytime you need to.

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  7. Christy you're absolutely right. I've even heard them utter those very words. Its awful. But I suppose I always knew I had no family. So technically its no big loss. I'll stand on my own and do what's right for me. They can stumble and fall all they want. I wont be picking them up anymore.

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  8. (Hugs)... I am so sorry that your sister acted like that. She had no right to pass the phone off to some drunk at the house. She could have been nice enough and said, sis I have some friends over can we talk tomorrow, I want to be able to listen to everything if that would be on. Then she has the guts to say she pissed at you for hanging up the phone. Sorry but she needs to grow up.

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  9. Thanks Rach....yup, story of my life. I've always felt bad for her because she's really not ever been in a good place in her life...but she's the one who put herself there. So...no more sympathy. She was wrong for what she did.

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